Monday, July 25, 2011
This is a email i sent to someone who is trying to help me lose weight but unfortunately i cant afford the food for medifast program and he is trying to help me with a fundraiser.... this is the email i sent him.. i felt like i was at my lowest!!!!!!
oh anyway i wanted to say i really enjoyed our talk friday and i was so excited about the whole thing and then i came home called one of my best friends and when i told her what i was planning on doing she did nothing but tell me how i should not do this and she doesnt understand how i will be able to even walk a mile and how the only thing u guys are doing is using me as a publicity stunt and arent really trying to help me and i argued with her about how that is not true at all. and she just kept going on and on till i was crying so bad.... its like when i wanna do something there are people telling me not to.. i just want people to understand i CANNOT live like this anymore.... i just feel like i cannot go on... and no one understands... i feel everyday like this is my last day and i am tired of feeling like this and tired of all this pain that my weight puts on me... but how am i supposed to move on when the most important people in my life have no faith in me and think everything i do is wrong... sometimes i feel like maybe it will be easier to check out pemanently, i just dont know if i can do this now... i really dont know how to go on... i am just sad everyday... and feel like no one understands how bad i feel... i dont know if i ever told u but i am not hiding this anymore i am 5'4" and 550 pounds... i dont know how i got there and i dont know where to go from there and feel like it will be impossible to lose all that weight forever... im SO TIRED OF ALL THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!