Monday, July 25, 2011
It's nearly four years now since I first logged onto SparkPeople. (Holy cow, is that right?!) It's been a tumultous journey for me, with prioritizing my own health and happiness turning out to be a huge catalyst for change in every aspect of my life. But truly, maintaining weight loss over the long term is just freakin hard. I lost 85 pounds originally, and have kept 50 off for more than three years. (I kept 80 off for over a year, and then slowly started to gain.) But that means I'm up 35 pounds from my lowest weight, and that depresses me. My life has gotten so busy, and with the challenge of losing so much weight somewhat in the distance, I stopped prioritizing my nutrition and fitness... and the weight crept back on. It didn't help that I started working as a nurse (a career notorious, for very good reason, for encouraging weight gain), fell in love (happy relationship weight!), and have been fighting an awful plantar wart that has kept me from running for several months now. But it's time to stop making excuses and rediscover the energy I brought to my health the first time around. Now, I realize that my lowest weight a couple of years ago (132 pounds) was too low for me -- and with two kids, a happy marriage to maintain, a job, and full-time school, I probably won't be running 6 times a week or getting myself up to 8-minute miles anytime soon. Really, with my foot pain, I may have to accept that running at all in the near future may be too much to hope for. But that doesn't mean I have to settle for being out of shape and not fitting into my clothes. I want to get back to around 140-145 lbs, with muscles. :) I love the way I feel when I am fit and active. I love the way my body, my mind, my spirit feel when I am truly prioritizing my health. And that's where I need to be again: not making excuses. Not making exceptions. I see patients every single day who are dying of preventable illnesses. Besides smoking (and maybe even including smoking) obesity is the biggest killer I see as a nurse. It breaks my heart to see patients who have given up on themselves, and I see it every day.
So the creep stops today. For real, all you Spark People. Here's my public promise. I am back at it, I am logging and exercising and eating more vegetables and fruit. I am drinking my water. I will NEVER give up on myself. Gaining some weight back does not mean it has to stay, or that I am the same girl I was four years ago. I am not, and never will be. Now I know that it is possible, and how it feels, to put myself first. To make choices, every time I choose something to eat or drink, that speak of my greatest desire in life: to be alive and to be well.