That pivotal moment
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Ok so all the doors were open for me to attend a missions trip to Costa Rica this summer. I had been asked to lead Vacation Bible School for the local kiddos and get this I had 2 secret people paying my way in full! Ah well you cannot say no to that when you have been praying for doors to open. LOL
I was at camp with our kids from church this summer and had an eye opening experience of just how out of shape I really am. I have been to camp before and have been at this "fat person" I had become. But this year, something kicked my butt. I could not handle to heat, the walking...everything it was just so hard. And then I received word about the missions trip. I started freaking out, if I couldn't handle camp in Montgomery, AL I will never survive a missions trip in Costa Rica! Are you for real???
But lets back up. In August of 2010 I asked my husband for a divorce. That took more strength than I ever imagined I had. For many reasons that I wish not to post on here (at least for now) I will respect our privacy. Finally he moved out in Oct 2010. Those 2 months were exhausting. I moved back to Mobile the end of Oct and started a new job on Nov 1st which by the way was our anniversary. We signed divorce papers in Jan 2011 and the divorce was final in April 11. Meanwhile my health is not good - can't imagine why?!! To make a long story short had to file bankruptcy and just went to court for that and it will be discharged next week. Oh and trying my best to take care of my stubborn 82 year old mother. I love her stubbornness by the way. So to say that stress has been a factor in my life is an understatement.
I guess it was a blessing in disguise that we did not have children. And at 43 I just dont think it is going to happen. And that's ok. I believe that God has given me a great gift of volunteering with children and I have so many in my life right now. And I have the 2 greatest doggies like ever!!! (Well post pics soon.)
Getting back to the missions trip. Wow this is harder than I thought - opening up. Because when you open that door there is no going back is there? My eating habits suck! Could be a big reason I am overweight. LOL I make poor choices. I knew Costa Rica would be difficult in the eating part for me. But I found the food to be great and fresh. Yes, we did eat beans and rice with every meal but breakfast. I eat fresh veggies and fruits and drank lots of water. (Which I do a regular basis anyway.) Ok, so I go the food down and was feeling good. We took a day off to have some fun and went to Volcano Arenal to zip line. I was v ery nervous about this because I honestly did not think the cable would hold me. Did not sleep well the night before. Get there after a long ride around mountains. Going round and round in a bus for 3.5 hours is not my idea of fun. I live in Mobile, AL where things are flat. Ok, so we pay and get our gear on but me and my pastor where the last 2 to get our gear. The straps would not fit around my thighs. Ok great. So another guide found a set up for me. So here I am with the stuff cutting into me. And then we have to hike up the side of a mountain all the while in full gear, with helmet and hand strap for break. I had to stop 4 times before reaching the top. I can handle the humidity but all the rest are you crazy?!
So we get to the top of the tree and strap ourselves in, I am watching others go and look down, not to far I can do this. Well, it got to be my turn I could not pull myself up and they had to get a guy from our church group to help me. UGHHH!! Then I freak out and cannot let go of the cable. I totally freaked! Needless to say I did not go. I was so scared and so much going on in my head. They strapped me and down I went the mountain by myself. Took off the gear and sat there and cried waiting for the group. I cried about the defeat, I cried for my marriage, I cried for money issues. You name it I cried about it , for it. Heck I may have even cried for you at that moment. This girl was letting it out ya know!
But I realized I cannot let my weight hold me back to the person that I am to be. The person that I believe that God has me to be. I have decided to take my life back and not allow others to dictate it. To take time for me. To eat healthier. To be fit. To enjoy life.
It's harder this time and maybe because I know this it is. I have gone grocery shopping, bought healthier foods. Knowing this is a lifelong process and there will be slip ups. I just want to find someone now to exercise with. I am a very social person and enjoy hanging with others and talking, laughing or maybe cry again. LOL
So now here I am on Spark. Reaching. Learning. Growing....And that's my story...Well so far.