It's about time...
Friday, July 22, 2011
I'm long overdue for a blog. I wrote one probably two months ago but lost my internet connection and ended up losing the blog. I was proud of it, too...but I'm writing this in a separate program, so it won't be a problem this time.
And a warning: since it has been so long, this will be a little wordy.
I've been on SP for over two years now, and I would do well and stick to a plan for a few weeks, then I'd lose my focus or stop caring or whatever, and I think I only lost two pounds here and there in the past. For a long time I was trying to figure out why I "couldn't" stick to a plan, why I "couldn't" consistently eat well, why I "couldn't" get myself to exercise. I wasted a lot of time that way. It dawned on me in I think April that I overthink things. I spend too much time analyzing and not enough time just doing what needs to be done. After I realized that, I started overthinking my overthinking. It was a really annoying cycle that wasn't getting me anywhere any faster than the original overthinking was.
I don't know what clicked, what was the "inspiration" to just shut up and do it. I had a few discussions with NOTABOUTHEFACE and she said what I've seen on here a lot since - Fake it till you make it. That and other things I read in blogs or articles apparently started making a difference. At the beginning of May, I just freaking did it. I started using my Gazelle a few times a week. I started tracking again. I tried to make better choices with what I put into my body. I always said that I would just overwhelm myself if I did a bunch of things all at once, and "baby steps" are so popular with some people. But maybe a giant leap was actually better for me.
Here's where I turned a corner. I had already lost 12 pounds when I went on vacation to Vegas with my boyfriend. I figured I'd try to make some good choices while I was there, but I knew I'd indulge a bit, and I knew I'd drink a bit too. The week before I went, my parents were in town, and while I ate pretty well (they know I'm being careful with my intake and tried to accommodate), I didn't get as much exercise as I would have liked. While we were in Vegas, I probably made one good food choice and a ton of bad ones. However, we walked a ton, and every night my legs were sore. I weighed myself the morning after I got home, and had only gained about a pound. I was so excited! That week I got my daughter back from her dad's, and we had a full schedule that didn't make me want to work out at all. I got more or less back on track with my eating, but I didn't start tracking again right away. Then last week, I hopped back on the Gazelle. I didn't even do 30 minutes, but I was glad I started doing something again. I started tracking for the most part. The corner turned? I didn't just decide I don't care, or just say I lost my spark, or just give up because I was off track for about 3 weeks. I didn't do it right away, but I continued my healthier ways. I'm not sure if I just changed that much, or if I refused to ruin the progress I'd made since it was more than ever since I've been on SP. I guess it doesn't matter, as long as it happened! No more overthinking if I can help it.
However, I have some frustrations. I took measurements in May, and then approximately a month later. No change. Wha? I felt a difference in how my clothes felt, but the measuring tape didn't work with me. Perhaps I didn't measure in the same spot, I've always struggled with that, but it was still frustrating. That same day that I measured the second time, I went clothes shopping with a good friend who I knew would be honest about how things looked on me. Annoying thing - I didn't change sizes. My old size 14 work pants were practically falling off, and what did I buy? New 14s that didn't fall off. I know there's the whole vanity sizing thing and differences among stores and all, but I tried different brands and different stores, and nothing lower than 14 fit. Sometimes the 14s didn't fit. It was aggravating and annoying, but at least they fit better and felt better, so I got them anyway. Lastly, only one person has noticed that I've lost weight without me saying anything first. That was a great compliment, and I know it's only 13 pounds so far, but even I can see a little change.
Anyhoo, what I've learned/what has miraculously happened over the last few months:
* If it's too much trouble to track (too many ingredients, too many question marks about portion sizes, etc), I try to avoid it. I want to be honest with myself, and if I can't accurately track the nutrition, I don't want to deal with it.
*I rarely eat when I'm not hungry anymore. I used to eat for comfort, out of boredom, all the usual stuff. Somehow, that kind of went away. I have my moments, don't get me wrong, but I really don't mindlessly eat much anymore.
*I stand taller and carry myself better. I didn't really notice until someone told me I was doing it, but come on, slouching makes one look fatter anyway.
I'll stop here, if you've made it this far, you get a goodie. I'm just so glad I have changed for the better, and while I have more to work on, I feel like I have a strong foundation to keep me going.