I saw my little girl self at the lake tonight!
Friday, July 22, 2011
I felt shame and anger! I wanted to cry for her. I looked over at the picnic table to see who her "fat" parents were. Nobody at those tables looked like they had a weight problem. Then why oh why was she at least 50-60 lbs over weight! The kid wasn't stuffing her face. When she wasn't in the water she was out on the beach running around having fun.
When I was a kid I followed my father's example when it came to eating. When he didn't want to deal with his feelings he would eat. I can see that today. Many times I have blamed my mother for my condition. All she wanted was not to have a fat daughter. She preached the right things. "Moderation" "Exercise" She also led by example.
She wasn't able to show or give love. Today I understand that as well. I have been watching "Finding Sarah" an OWN TV program. My sister was getting frustrated by Sarah's actions or maybe lack of them. She couldn't understand why the woman couldn't make some perfectly easy decisions or understand what these experts were telling her. I told Becky that Sarah has to be taught these simple things because no one taught her as she was growing up. It may seem normal to lots of people but if you have never experienced these things or were taught not to show certain things like emotions etc. you have to start somewhere.
I have been learning here on Spark how to deal with my emotions the proper way. Again, Thank you Sparkpeople.com!