Monday, July 18, 2011
Alright so this is how it starts. I get distracted, maybe overwhelmed with things going on within my life, with life itself in some regards. How things aren't exactly how I planned them, how depsite best intentions I just don't feel I am measuring up.
And I start to slip. Just a bit at first, and it's totally innocent, or it appears that way. You know what I mean..I start to have two helpings of one of my favorite foods. I whisper to myself "Man you have been working so hard go ahead sleep in late today, you can catch that work out tomorrow." Then that mind set, along with "What does it matter if I do x,y or z, it isn't going to make r, s, t any better, or make a magical fairy come poop glitter on me!"
Now we are in a bit more then 'slip' on this slope. I look at this as I had this huge amount of weight to loss, to be healthier, being thinner, being more fit is an enrichment to my life, it isn't a magic fix, that is going to have that pooping glitter fairy sprinkle magic dust and undo things I have done, choices I have made, or any part of my past. So this mountain to personal enrichment I am climbing, to this healthier, more capable me, is that, a mountain and sometimes I need to rest on a ledge, and catch my breath, let all those small steps sink in. See how far I have come already.
This was more then just sitting on that ledge. I backtracked, because all those little things, all those sweet little lies I was happily letting myself believe started to wear at me. "Oh well, taking a week off is alright.." and for me, that week turned into a few, which has turned into a "Gods, I am going to be starting all over!" Did I backtrack completely? NO, so this isn't failure, it's a learning process, like most things in life.
More importantly, I wanted to share it because I think sometimes, we tend to think everything is black or white. Fail or pass. That we get on here and either we struggle struggle, or we WIN WIN! And that isn't the case. Sometimes we are just what we all are, which is learning new habits, and changing our lifes those small steps at a time, and in any change there are days where its just BAM I get THIS...
And there are times and periods where its "Ok, I want this, and even though I really am not FEELING like doing it, I am sticking it out, sucking it up, and pushing through."
So I can't say my Spark Fire is burning brightly. But what I can say is I have told myself enough. Got up, set my game plan, put on that 'game' face, and forced through my workout this morning. Planned my meals for the day. And set my goals. Don't worry, I will blog them for the public eye tomorrow.