Sunday, July 17, 2011
Wow. I feel like all I do is reiterate the same blog over and over. I was on a good track, and now I'm not. I used to be within 10 lbs of my goal weight, and now I'm not. I used to be working out 5-6 days/week and now I'm not. I used to wear a bikini in certain place, and now I don't. I used to have things in my closet that were a size 6 that I could put on and now I can't. I used to be a solid size 8, and now I'm not. I used to monitor everything I ate and now I'm not. I used to have definition and now I don't.
It is frustrating.
And I think it is even more frustrating knowing that I WAS where I wanted to be just a few short years ago and now I know how far away i've gotten. I also know how much work it took and everything I had to monitor and control and give up and I just can't get myself back there.
I don't know how to kick my own a**.
I'm not happy like this. I'm not happy with all those "don't" statements. I feel horrible about myself which makes me not want to do things that I really enjoy. It stresses me out. And there are a lot of times in every month that I want to sit down and cry at what I've done to my body. And that makes me reach for the ice cream or the chips which happen to be my BIGGEST issues saying no to.
I'm hoping airing this will help me find myself again. Find my motivation and find the attitude that helped me do this the first time. And this time I have to keep searching until I find it - no detours.
But if anyone out there has read through this whole thing - I could really use some support. Right now, I don't know what that entails. I don't know what is going to help, but I know that I need to do something. I'd really like to be down 8 lbs by my birthday at the end of August. anyone???