Tipping my hat to Sparkpeople for reminding me: It's a lifestyle, NOT a diet! Dropping the guilt!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
So I have been putting off writing this blog entry because I gained weight…4lbs over the last two and a half weeks!!! I just went nutso food-wise and dropped a lot of what I had been doing over the past 5 months…and why?? Well I am not sure. I had been doing so well, eating 1500 kcals a day, exercising 5~7 hours a week, even with the cruddy weather and the incessant ringworm( which I still have, and feels like will never go away!!!!!). So what happened?? Well, I think I just got tired of trying to keep up with it all! I have been really stressed out with my body being covered in lesions, not to mention the insane cleaning and keeping my body from recontaminating itself…takes a LOT of time out of one’s day. I also was finishing up my research paper to graduate life coaching at ICA and I was in the process of doing supervised coaching and being evaluated over the past 6 wks. Now that I write this, I see why I was so stressed out and needed to comfort myself…and I did it with food. I was at the bakery again two weeks ago and bought some yummy stuff and was going to be like a normal person and just have a normal portion, but I am not there yet control-wise. I scarfed that bread down like I had not eaten for 2 months…blink of the eye and it was gone…and it was equivalent to about 4 huge muffins…and I ate it after I had already had dinner. I was back on a binge!! I haven’t had a moment like this in a long while! And I didn’t stop there…I just completely gave up really. I was eating way more than I was supposed to..I was exercising because of being so afraid of what the scale might say…I was back to my old ways. And it was depressing! Over the past week, I reminded myself that this is a lifestyle change I was making…I was not on diet. But I was feeling deprived. I was having a difficult time and didn’t give myself the sleep or time or phone call to a friend that I needed…rather, I ate to comfort myself. And I am allowing for this mistake. That it is a lifestyle and no one is perfect, I allowed myself to drop the guilt and pressure of keeping to the low calories I was trying to stick to. I reminded myself of the good I had done. I was keeping up with my exercise, in the most rainy season I have ever seen in Korea in all my 9 years here. It hasn’t stopped raining for over two wks. So my walking at night couldn’t happen and I started doing dance aerobics online at least 5 times a week. That’s a win! I also wasn’t pigging out on junk or buying bad food, except the bread. I was just eating way too much and it had caught up with me. So all is forgiven and I am back on track.
I joined Sparkpeople.com about 2 or so months ago. What a fantastic site! It’s all about changing your lifestyle for a healthier one. It is run by life coaches and nutritionists. No one is on a diet, we are all learning about making healthier life choices and getting recipes, and reading great articles that keep us motivated. I can track my food, exercise and get support from the thousands of people on there. The other day, I wrote on the message boards asking what could help me control my sudden cravings and night eating that I was experiencing over the last 2 wks. I got about 50 replies giving me great tips and cheering me on. It totally stoked me and I have been doing better since. I have lost a 2lbs!!
So, I am back to my usual good habits,as I have been living this healthier lifestyle now for over 5 months. I am losing slowly but that’s what needs to happen for me to really keep it off and maintain the changes. Before, I would have lost 20lbs and rewarded myself with food and way too much of it. I would have started gaining half of it back and then all of it by fall. I would have been feeling guilty and giving up and going into denial of my feelings around it. Now, I can slip up, and get back to my good ways and it feels natural. I think that is the biggest win~the good habits feel natural most of the time. I am not perfect and some days I will eat too much or not exercise and that’s ok. Just as long as it is a short stint and quickly I get back on with being healthy.
I cannot say it enough that structures are what are helping me the most in making this change happen and stick. I have the support of a life coach, I journal and track my food intake and exercise, I get emails from Sparkpeople.com and it reminds me and motivates me and what a huge supportive community, I make sure to have healthy food on hand and don’t allow myself to get famished, I don’t shop when I’m hungry…that is a recipe for disaster. All of these small actions keep me in check and keeps me focused on the long term goal of being at the top of my health one day soon. I am excited by the progress I am making and the lessons I am learning. NO guilt, acceptance, learn from it and move on! I still have things to add to this, like mindful eating more regularly. It really does wonders when I do it..I am way less hungry and don’t have cravings…I seem to always forget and eat my food so quickly and then beat myself up for it. Will work on that!
At work last week someone brought in donuts…they were on a table directly behind my chair…all day!! I resisted. I thought about what i wanted and the donuts were just donuts. They didn’t measure up to my goal. I also went to the bakery and bought sweet bread for some coworkers. I didn’t have any of it….and I wanted to! Sweet bread was my vice, my ultimate comfort food. I resisted. I am proud of myself.