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WATCHMECANCAN
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Dear Fat, I want a divorce!

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Friday, July 15, 2011

Dear Fat,
I want a divorce. I am taking the kids, Heart, Lungs and Bones with me.
We no longer need you in our lives. You have caused me too much embarrassment and cost me my sense of self-worth and confidence. Yes, there was a time when you comforted me and too, you helped to keep me warm in winter. You also gave me a good excuse for saying no to situations when I thought I might get hurt, but I have outgrown you.

Because of you, I have not had a vacation in quite a while. It is embarrassing to fly on a plane when you have to ask the flight attendant for an extension for the seat-belt. I used to love amusement parks but you complain too much about the seat being too small or the bar being too tight on the rides. (It is a shame that we have to carry a chair in the trunk of the car because you won't let us sit just anywhere.) You are slowing me down and holding me back. I can't even ride my horse anymore because of you.

As for the kids, the doctor says Heart is doing just fine for now but I am afraid if this relationship continues, she may suffer permanent damage. Lungs tries so hard to please you but I'm not sure how long he can keep up with your burden. You have really done a number on Bones though and I won't let you hurt him anymore. He cries all day and night from the pain you have caused him. Well not anymore! You have to go!

I realize, since you have been with us so long, that it will take you a while to pack up and leave. And since I doubt if you will find anyone that will take you in all at once so I am giving you 1 year to Clear Out! Don't worry, Me and the kids will help you move.

In the meantime, you will have to get your meals somewhere else because I will no longer be feeding you. Me and the kids will be eating healthy from now on and you are not invited.

You also better get used to doing some work if you insist on hanging around because the kids and me are going to start really living and having fun. You know all that complaining you've been doing with all the walking, swimming and grass mowing we've been doing lately? Well it's only going to get worse so get used to it!

Sorry it has to end this way but you brought it on yourself. I should have made the split a long time ago. So long and farewell.

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