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Practicing What I Preach: No Hypocrites Here

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Back in May I wrote a Spark Guest Blog about being selfish - or rather - self centered. I talked about the importance of fulfilling yourself first before others and taking ample time for your own goals and aspirations.

If you want to read the blog, it's here:

But let me tell ya, A LOT has changed in my life since I wrote that article. Namely, I'm no longer the "Single Lady" that I state I am at the end of that blog, and thus, being selfish isn't so easy anymore. I'm figuring out exactly how it feels to have someone else to worry about and satisfy in addition to myself, and it's taken a bit of adjustment on my behalf to re-arrange (and not give up) my single ways.

Over the past couple of weeks work has been intense. We're supposed to be in our slow season right now, but for whatever reason, the world hasn't gotten that memo, so it's been as busy as ever. Not something I can really complain about because it's good to be busy, especially in this economy - but dang it, if I wasn't looking for a bit of a break! My secondary jobs have also picked up - my burlesque show is going really well, packing big houses in every week which is fantastic and I am so pleased about, and my work with my other theatre company in town has also increased with our annual benefit coming up this weekend and casting for the second show in our next season happening next week. Every other spare second has been spent with Nikhil, discovering our common ground and loving every second of it.

So life is great right? Well, it is - except that I feel oddly out of balance. I was able to drop all the holiday weight gain fairly quickly, but now the scale is stuck again, which I always take to mean that I'm overcoming some sort of mental hump - and here it is: I'm HANKERING for some ME time! ALONE!

I'm behind on my reading, my blogging, behind on my house work, on my trashy television and cooking new recipes, behind on my "personal maintenance" - my toes look like a piranha got at my last pedicure, and I'm pretty sure my cats think that the hairless ape who feeds them doesn't live in their house anymore. I miss my singledom!

So I called a day of radio silence. I messaged Nikhil early this morning and said I needed a day to myself and that I would talk to him tomorrow. And let me tell you - it took everything in my being to do that. See - I am quite a fan of our little love notes back and forth over gmail chat all day long. I'm also a big fan of talking to him at night before I go to bed. And given the choice, I would probably choose being attached to his hip 24/7 right about now. Yeah - I'm a big fan of his in general.

But guess what? I'm also a big fan of me. And me needs some attention right now. Cause what happens when I negate my needs? I eat. Plain and simple. And my calorie counter for the past couple of weeks is indicating that I am doing JUST that. Only by a couple hundred extra calories a day. But that counts. And the scale shows it.

So today I am taking time for myself. Without the constant messaging all day long, I have been able to knock EVERYTHING off my work "To Do" list that has been stressing me out all week. And now I'm writing a blog - something I haven't had time for since last week. Tonight I'm cuing up some trashy television, a good book, and my home pedicure kit - cause seriously, something has GOT to be done about these feet! I'm going to cook myself a lovely dinner with leftovers for tomorrow's lunch and cuddle with my cats - who will still look at me like the hairless alien ape that I am. But that's ok cause I still love them. And then I'm going to go to bed early, get a good, full night's sleep and wake up early tomorrow and go for a good, long run.

Am I thinking about Nikhil? - umm, yes. A lot. I've been so tempted to message him ALL DAY LONG, but I'm not doing it. Cause today is about me. And furthermore, I will resist the urge to recap every single thing that I did/do today to him the next time I do talk to him. Because I am a person that needs to have things that are just mine. And it's kind of fun to know that I have my own life, and he has his own life, and neither one of us really knows what the other person is doing right now. I can do whatever I want today and it's ALL MINE and no one else has to know. That's freedom. And such a great feeling. And with the weight of my work stress off my shoulders for another day, I know that I am really going to enjoy it that much more.

I know it sounds crazy, but it has taken me a long time to develop this mode of thinking that I can put down my relationship for a day and not be worried that he might leave me because of it. I am allowed to have my own life. In fact, I am expected to. I am a more interesting and better person in our relationship because of it. But I have never felt that before. I have always believed that I needed to give over 100% of myself to the other person to make it work, and that any problems in the relationship were caused by my need to assert myself. So I avoided self-assertion. Big mistake. By handing over my whole soul and being to another person I was doing nothing but making myself more upset and bigger since I would eat to solve my self-assertion issues, and that only served to cause bigger problems and rifts in the relationship. Not a very healthy way to live. Honestly - it's so much easier, not to mention more relaxing, to just go give yourself a pedicure once in a while! Besides which, I wouldn't ever want him to feel like he can't take his own time to himself too when he needs it. In fact - I hope he wants it often, cause then I get more time to catch up on that aforementioned tv!

I feel lighter already.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Kudos for taking you time no matter the cost! I LOVE that you can spend a whole day thinking about someone, and knowing that what you are doing for you is important enough to miss someone for a day. Also, congratulations on your new, exciting relationship!!! I love that happy tone in your writing :)
    2254 days ago
    You are just so fabulous. I love reading about how you are finding balance - and dare I say - love :) It's a dance of balance that we all do - if we are being honest.

    Thank you for being honest and for being you.

    2254 days ago
    emoticon on taking a day for you! A day to celebrate you in what you want/need to get done. You are worth celebrating and this makes you a better person in being with others.
    2277 days ago
    Something I need to start learning... but it's harder when you're married and in a whole new place. Congrats on your Me time! I plan to have my own within the next month. Thank you for your post!
    2284 days ago
    We need balance in our lives and taking time just for you is going to make for a much happier, relaxed you.
    2287 days ago
  • MILLIE5522
    2287 days ago
    I love that you are putting yourself first, that's the kind of thinking that will allow you to get to your goal, and have a life, and have balance and all that great stuff!
    2287 days ago
    I definitely need to take some cues from you. I don't have any me time anymore, and its hard for me to ask for it. At the same time, I know its essential for my well being! I read today's blog too, and I'm proud of you for being so determined, despite a little slip up! But that's the thing... its just one day of many, so its great that you acknowledged it, embraced the good things about the day, learned from the bad things about the day, and are moving on. YOU GO GIRL!

    In other news, I believe you are a fellow Chicagoan, yes? I'd love to support your theater and/or burlesque show, if you'd just give me the info! Of course, you may not want to as you are so busy already lol! ;D Do you perform in them, or manage, or etc?
    2287 days ago
    I'm proud of you for taking YOU time. It's soooo necessary. I am a person who bigtime needs that too. If I can't just hole up and do whatever the heck I want I start to get reaaaal anxious about that!
    2287 days ago
    Good for you for taking ME time, I find it's important in relationships. I do not find this selfish, as being happy with yourself will bring harmony to your couple. And not only that you will have missed each other more *wink*. Have a great weekend, Josée
    2287 days ago
    2287 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    *hugs* again, a wonderful thoughtful blog.

    We do all need this time, its something Im worried about my boyfriend getting since Im unemplyed and well, always here when he is. I worry he wont get time he needs.
    2287 days ago
    I SO love this blog. It's great that you're finding that balance early on. It's so healthy for you, and it's something that sooooo many people (including myself) have difficulty with. I'm big on preaching self-comforts and putting yourself first, but it's hard for me to practice what I preach. So this is definitely something I needed to read! Thanks for writing. :) Glad to read a new blog of yours!
    2288 days ago
    Great way to strike some balance in your life. "Me time" is so important.
    2288 days ago
    Good 4 U!!!!!:-)
    2288 days ago
  • MIQUEY73
    Good for you for taking time for yourself!

    And thank you so much for this blog. You just helped me realize why I've been so destructive lately!!!
    2288 days ago
    Take care of you- just like you were- it's probably part of what attracted him to you in the first place!!!
    2288 days ago
    Good for you! I am slowly coming to this realization myself!

    Enjoy your time!
    2288 days ago
    This brought back such fond memories for me! When I met my now DH, I went through the same thing and set some boundaries for 'me' time twice a week. It was very difficult at first and I felt very selfish, especially because he did not feel the same need for it as I did but over time he adjusted and came to cherish his time as much as I did mine. And the best part is..absence really does make the heart grow fonder! Now that we are married we still each have an evening a week where we do our own thing and we are convinced our marriage is better because of it. Congratulations and keep up the good work! emoticon
    2288 days ago
    Me time. Us time. You time. Them time. Work time. Kitty Time. Family time. So much time to balance. My therapist instilled in me that taking time for self care is key to a balanced life. I cherish my alone time and the Mr does his as well. Good for you for taking yours and enjoying it. Enjoy the books, trashy TV, that wonderful home cooked meal and those little fur balls that miss you dearly.

    Stay Fabulous!
    2288 days ago
    You are doing yourself such a great service by giving yourself your "me" are so healthy not only physically but mentally and you know what is good for you, for your body, for your relationship. I am very proud of you for stealing that time for yourself, and yes, it is SO hard to do!!! Oh my...I wish I could do it more often. ROLFL about your toesies girl! Now go on, get your nails did. emoticon
    2288 days ago
  • PJH2028
    You're on to something here, my friend.
    Absolutely. Keeping my entitlement to ME time and my love of ME time takes nothing away from my sweetie. In fact, if I don't get it...stuff eventually hits the fan and bites us both in the arse.

    Love the You your with!
    2288 days ago
    I have too much time on my hands let's trade for awhile you can read all my books and watch all the TV you want. Great job your an inspiration. yhanks for your "realness."
    2288 days ago
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