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    GOTHICLOLLIPOP   9,429
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When will I be happy?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I wonder, when will I be happy this time? Looking back over my past blogs, it looks like I really started feeling good about the way I was looking last year when I got down to about 150 lbs. That's when the photo of me in that dress I loved so much was taken (the one that's on my Sparkpage underneath my graduation photo). But I wonder if I'm going to be as happy when I get back to 150 this time, because looking at that photo, I'm not sure I really like what I see. I think back then I might have felt thinner than I looked, probably because I had started at 173 that time, and so I had just lost over 20 lbs...

Well, maybe I shouldn't expect to be happy at 150 this time. Maybe since I started 10 lbs down, at 163, this time I'll have to get down to 140 or so before I really get that great of a feeling again.

Not that I don't feel a little better already. At least my size 10 jeans fit without making me feel entirely like a stuffed sausage.

Why do I sound so negative today? Is it the Domino's ham and veggie pizza I ate last night and then again for lunch today (with the utmost moderation, although I still don't feel so good about ingesting so much sodium), or the fact that the scale didn't move today, even though I know I can't expect it to move every single day? Or the fact that despite the fact that I'm losing weight by just monitoring my food intake alone, I know I haven't been exercising the way I should?

Gah, who knows...I think it's just one of those days. Just have to trudge on (and I have a sneaking suspicion it really is all the sodium from the pizza talking...)
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GOTHICLOLLIPOP 7/14/2011 3:58PM

    Oh, I really just meant happy with my weight ^_^;; I've got plenty else to be happy about, I know - starting a new school, moving into a new appartment, etc.

On the other hand, I am OCD, so I know I have the tendency become a bit single minded at times. It is possible I've been giving my weight a bit too much...weight ;P

I know I'd probably be better off if I could figure out how to "turn off" the part of my brain that's tracking my calories now and then and learn to live my life AND lose weight at the same time. I'd probably have a better chance of keeping it off this time too, if I was better at doing that.

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PRINCESSBEITER 7/13/2011 5:49PM

    Your weight shouldn't be the only thing you use to make you happy. Yeah, getting down a size or two is great, but you're still YOU no matter what you weigh.

Don't let yourself get too bogged down in how you look. Enjoy the people around you, enjoy life the best that you can.

Comment edited on: 7/13/2011 6:02:06 PM

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MIRDREAMS 7/13/2011 4:00PM

    It's important to remember that we're allowed to feel blue some days, we just can't dwell on it, or stay there. You're already accomplished so much! Savor what is working and remember while we can always improve we are also deserve our own compassion. It's never about the finish line, there will always be a finish line, it's about giving ourselves permission to feel good about putting on our big girl panties and showing up.

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