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How I REALLY feel


Wednesday, July 13, 2011

People look at my pictures and comment on how well I have done. They say "You are beautiful", "You look like a different person", "Wow, you must feel so much better."
While each of these statements are great and they give me a rush when I read them I have to admit. I don't feel beautiful. I don't think I look any different. And yes, my health is better but I still feel dumpy and awkward. I don't know how to get myself out of this mindset. I try so hard to convince myself I am all of those things but it doesn't work. I look in the mirror and don't see the changes everyone else does. I can see it when I put pictures of myself next to each other but to see myself face to face in a mirror, that same feeling of self loathing is still there.
I know I have done well, with losing 106 pounds so far. I have gone down many sizes in my clothes and that's a great feeling. I have another 40 to 60 pounds to lose still yet and it seems like it's so out of my reach at this point. I exercise, I measure, I weigh, I eat healthy and the pounds slowly come off. And I feel no different.
Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever get past this feeling that what I am doing is not good enough? This eats at me every single day. Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt I will get down to the weight I need to be to be healthy again. It may take me a long time to accomplish this but it will happen because I refuse to give up on me.
Maybe this is just a funk I am in but if so, it's been going on for a very long time. I hate it.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AVRENIM1 7/27/2011 4:41PM

    No matter how hard I try or what I do I am never 100% satisfied with myself. People can tell me I am beautiful and I wonder what they see. I'm told I am loved and I wonder, WHY? I've come to the realization that I am a perfectionist. I am hard on myself even though I am forgiving of others. After thorough self examination it all goes back to my upbringing. My father was in the military and my mother's nickname is Ms Negative. That explains everything for me. Hope you find the reason for being so hard on yourself. With much Love, Avrenim1
PS..Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents dearly emoticon emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 7/15/2011 10:41PM

    It definitely takes a while for the brain's image of ourselves to catch up with the real one.

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TBOURLON 7/14/2011 10:02AM

    OMG, you've lost 106 lbs??? That's FANTASTIC! emoticon

I think it's because the change has happened so slowly, you see yourself each and every day. I think you need some "before" and "after" pics to get a really good assessment. My hubby has lost between 20-25 lbs, and needs to lose about 50 more, but seems to have "plateaued." Those plateaus are hard to deal with. And right now my weight is inching back up again, we BOTH need to get back on the better eating plan. I wish Ron could talk to you, I bet you could inspire him to stick with it.

I had to renew my license recently, and I'm about 20 lbs lighter than when that older pic was taken. I couldn't believe how different I looked, I seriously thought something was wrong. But I really do look different, and so do YOU! emoticon

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LUCKYME2G 7/13/2011 7:24PM

    I can totally relate to this. I've lost 60 pounds and I've got 40 to go. I have days where I still feel like the old me or think to myself "you will never change". It's a hard thing to explain, and I wish I knew how long it takes to get used to the new life. I think it's a gradual change - at least that is what I am telling myself!

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LJCANNON 7/13/2011 6:44PM

    It definitely takes awhile for your Brain to catch up with your Body. Keep looking at those pictures, and change how you speak to yourself. Daily affirmations are good advice, but the first step is to change how you speak to yourself--even in your thoughts!
emoticon emoticon

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BOBF15 7/13/2011 6:05PM

    It is very likely brain related, the subconscious mind manages about 5/6 of our mental activity, it is the primary area responsible for 'self talk' the inner dialogue that goes on inside of us all the time. Yes, even while sleeping for it is the subconscious mind that dreams.

Amputees report having sensation from a limb that is gone, they report feeling a need to itch a leg that is gone. So obviously it is not an accurate message, it is all in the mind, that is not to say it is phony, for it is not phony, it is real, just that it is the way we are wired.

Affirmations are a part of this, I have two books on this, and am working on this as well, I will keep you posted on this. Can share the books and information with you later if interested.

emoticon

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CAROLYN_ROSE 7/13/2011 3:44PM

    I know EXACTLTY how you feel. People ask me all the time if I feel different. I lie and say yes, because I know they would think I'm crazy for thinking not really. My trainer told me it' might take years for my brain to finally catch up to how my body looks. I hope it doesn't take that long!!

Maybe you need to start giving yourself daily affirmations and that will help you see how you truly look now!

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LIVEONLOVE 7/13/2011 3:28PM

    I have a family member who had surgery to lose over 100 lbs. For a long time after she was smaller, she still felt like she looked the same. As you transform your body, you have to transform your thoughts and opinions about yourself - The advice she gave me! You really do look great and I'm SO inspired by you! Best of luck in all you do emoticon

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UTMIZ_2000 7/13/2011 3:27PM

    I think you are doing great. What an accomplishment. I think you need to start doing some positive self-talk. Even if you have to write the things down on a card that others are saying to you so you can read them back to yourself, it's important to begin telling yourself over and over what your accomplishments are. It may take a little time, but I'm sure you will begin to notice a difference.



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