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    LIGHT1112   3,694
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2,500-3,999 SparkPoints
 
 
The good, the bad, and the future

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The good.....

Wednesday is my weigh-in day and the scale showed that I am down 2lbs. I am very happy with that. Efforts are paying off. I am trying to revel in the success and not give in to the fear that next week the scale will show me up 3lbs. I am focusing on the positive, but somewhere deep inside I am scared to the core that I will fail and that I cannot do this. Coming to sparkpeople and seeing all the success and encouragement is really vital to me taking a chance again. I wish I could personally thank everyone here for that.

The bad..........
Yesterday I was overcome with the urge for fattening food. The compulsion was so strong and I gave into it. It was like a pressure valve and if I didn't release it I would explode. I ate fattening food yesterday. It certainly wasn't my biggest binge ever and I was aware of it the whole time instead of going into that numb, mindless state. And it left me wondering why.....which brings me to:

The future..............
I have to discover why I do this. I have to figure out why I sabotage myself and do things that are clearly not in my best interest. Why does the desire for that food outweigh any logical argument, future goal, nutritional fact, warning, hope, motivation, or promises? What is this? I know that it has to do with feelings of self worth. But how do I fix that? How do you get self worth?

I need to find out.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELFMABV 7/13/2011 9:13AM

    OMG! This is all so true and speaks about myself and my "Bads". I am also working on figuring out why the urges are there and how to overcome them. Good luck to you and congrats for the acknowledgment of the urge!

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