Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Ok I'm not sure what to do. I either need some major inspiration or motivation or the 17 day diet is just another diet I give up on.
I was so motivated at first and did well. but the last couple weeks I've actually put back ona couple pounds. I have nobody to blame but myself. Since I got sick my exercise has significantly decreased but I've also fallen off the diet and cheated...more then once. I found I'm back to my old ways of snacking at night and emotionally eating.
I was watching a show the other night about a guy who is a food addict. I feel like in some ways that's me. I eat for many reasons but often it seems to be to fill a void. I eat when I'm not even hungry...just mindless eating. Luckily I've only put on the couple pounds. I know it's mind over matter but I just can't seem to get myself going again.
I have been watching fatloser.com videos and it makes sense. I've let other people distract me from my goals. I've gone out for meals which aren't always appropriate because people want me to. I've not exercised because other people need my time.
I did some thinking last night...i've always tended to put other people and their needs first.I realize it's because I feel selfish if I put myself first. For some reason I feel like if I'm acting in a selfish way that people will be angry or not love me.(I even feel guilty if i head out to the gym and the dog has been alone all day while i was at work, feel like i should be home with him...i know ridiculous) I've always had an issue with self esteem and have had bad relationships in the past. Often felt like if I didn't do things for people then they would leave cause why else would they be with me.
I do not want to be like this...I need something to jump start me again. I need to organize and schedule my time so that I have some time to look after me. I can say that I will do this but quickly get sidetracked when someone needs me).
Something has to change...I know it's my attitude and thought process...just not sure how to do it.
I will keep trying...I really dont' want to give up on what has been working!