I didn't know what was missing
Friday, July 08, 2011
Motivation - it is a word that we "dieters" hear often. You just need some motivation. Just do it! What are you waiting for?
All those words from others - some well meaning some not - were meant to shake me out of my fog and get me going. If I could just find my motivation then everything would be full steam ahead.
But the problem was that when I looked deep inside myself for that motivation all I found was a big empty hole. I found shame, sadness, loneliness, and defeat. There was no motivation in there, and the fact that it wasn't there was just one more fault to add to the list of my many faults. It was one more failure.
The last few days I have spent a lot of time on sparkpeople looking at people's pages, reading blog entries, looking at pics, reading articles, looking at teams and this morning I realized something. This is where motivation lives.
I am not defective for not having a bottomless resource of motivation in me. The failures I have experienced in the past are too great. As I have my own successes that intrinsic motivation will build and grow. But for right now, for the beginning of my journey when the successes are small and the mountain seems too high I have sparkpeople and the many successes to be found on these pages. I can look at them, read them, and know that it can be done.
And that I can do it too.
In the past I was missing the motivation because I thought that I had to come up with it all by myself. Now I know that it is here - shared freely and for the benefit of everyone who needs it, motivation and hope.