Wednesday, July 06, 2011
My eating has been relatively out of control since Friday afternoon. Ice cream bars (those Magnum ones that you see on television really are as good as they look), hamburgers, hotdogs, pizza, chips, pie (not just one piece here), pop, it just goes on and on and on.
I recognize that first off, it is that TOM, and I haven't had any cravings for months regarding this time, but this month, they have been crazy. I'm also under a lot of stress. I bring my dad to the VA tomorrow in St. Cloud, because they need to check my dad's kidneys and his bad back by x-ray and ultrasound. We're talking about a man that probably has been close to breaking his back seven times in his life, and it has all caught up to him over the last few years. He knows it is going to look bad, but he can't have surgery. His kidneys, which almost failed a few years ago, have been malfunctioning, which has us both nervous, so I am just praying he doesn't need to go on dialysis.
To top it off, I am waiting to find out about college. I already have a degree, but I want to go to school for massage therapy. I've been admitted into the program, I've done orientation and I've registered for classes, and I still don't know how much my financial aid package is going to be-if anything. According to the Financial Aid office, they hope it will be online by Friday.
You add it all together, and I have a lot of emotional crap going on that makes me want to eat. I've recognized it, gotten back on the treadmill in the last few days and exercised hard. I've stopped most of the bleeding, but I also know that I did not need to eat a DQ Blizzard today. I've been sabotaging myself, and I am angry. I recognize it while I am doing it, but do it anyway.
Today was better than Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon. I have had a few moments of good decision, but not many. Here is to hoping that everything calms down by Friday and I can stop overly stressing out!