Today's word is "vent" which means (in this case) "to give free play or expression to (an emotion, passion, etc.).
That's pretty much what my blog is about today, just getting my emotions out there because things aren't moving in the right direction in spite of some decent efforts. If I don't vent, then I allow my emotions to rule my food choices. Venting allows me to process my feelings. And venting on Sparkpeople allows me to write things down which is very therapeutic for me. Nobody gets hurt. Ha!
I was looking at my "data." I weigh myself daily, record the weight on a spreadsheet and then take a weekly ave. and record that as well. While my daily weight goes up and down, my weekly average tends to be down by 1-2 lbs. each week. That was until this week. I have two more days until I average my weights for the week. But it doesn't matter if I suddenly lose 3 lbs. for the next two days, my average for this week will mark my first true "gain" since re-starting on April 25.
Here's my daily weight for the last nine weeks:
See the nice upward trend this week? Ugh.
And here's my weekly average for the last nine weeks:
Two days from now when I record this week's average, that lovely trajectory will take a turn in the wrong direction. Double Ugh.
I don't know what it means yet. I have pretty much eliminated sugar, white flour and processed foods. Yes, they sneak in at times but for the most part, my food is good. I am taking in lots of fruits and vegetables and whole grains. I haven't had a drink in months. I exercise consistently. I record every bite on the tracker.
I know I could eat more vegetables and drink more water and do more strength training. I guess that's the tack I need to take. But I am still stuck in the utter frustration of, "I am eating 1200 'good' calories and exercising, so the weight should be coming off!"
I feel like a failure. It doesn't mean I am a failure. It just means that today, I feel like one. What I am doing isn't enough and I don't *want* to do more.
All I know is that if you are in your 20s, take care of your eating and weight issues NOW! You do not want to be 46 and doing everything right only to have your hormones and metabolism turn against you. It does not have to be this difficult! Unfortunately, I chose to make it this difficult by using food (including processed and sugar-laden food) as a way to get through tough emotional situations through the years. I should have removed the emotion from food long ago. Oh, and I should have done a little strength training too.
The good news is that that's what I am doing now. I am removing the emotion from food. I am not going to let the way I feel take me off track. I could give up and go back to eating what I want when I want. But what's the point of that? Do I want to go back to pre-diabetic status, high cholesterol readings and not being able to get up the stairs without being winded? No. So, I will plow through the disappointment of this week and keep trying to do this in a way that gives me the right balance of control and vigilance. I may not lose weight quickly (or at all) but I will be healthier.
Food is food. Emotions are emotions. I've got to keep them separate!