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    MIZLISAABC   1,474
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Just a touch of withdrawal...

Sunday, July 03, 2011

So this morning I took a walk since I won't get to do Zumba today. As a matter of fact, the earliest I will get to do it is Tuesday, so I am having to be creative with my workouts. At first I thought it would be awful, but then I took off walking with my MP3 player.

Now, 3 years ago, my hubby had loaded some upbeat contemporary christian music and I used to enjoy the walk on so many levels. The music would bless me, the walk would energize me...etc...

Today I discovered that my teenage son has re-loaded the MP3 player. emoticon I spent my time listening to some of his music choices and I was pretty surprised! He likes mostly country but there were also some big-band tunes, jazz, and some acapella gospel. I walked for 2 miles just listening. I felt closer to him...isn't that strange?

I also had time to think during this walk. You don't get much time to think during Zumba--it is fast paced and I have to constantly think about what I am doing.

At first I was upset with myself. I started this journey 3 years ago (June 18, 2008) and I was SURE that by this time in my life I would weigh around 160 and be in "maintenance." I would be giving weight loss advice and prancing around in my MUCH smaller clothes. I have watched many of you drop tons of weight and here I am, still in the 240's. I KNOW I SAID that this was a "lifestyle" change, but I am going to be brutally honest with myself for a moment. I MEANT THAT FOR EVERYONE ELSE. I just wanted to get skinny.

There.

I said it.

Now I have new motivation.

I am blessed to be able to care for my mother. She has had diabetes for 40+ years. I've watched it ruin vacations (she would always get a yeast infection and couldn't ride very far), I've seen it mess with her eyes, her heart, and cost her a leg. I spent lots of my teen years "running the house" because mom was in the hospital. Back then, they put you in-patient for routine testing. I remember learning how to give injections into an orange and then run when mom would ask me to do it for her because it hurt her to do it in her belly. Hind sight is 20-20 and I wish I could go back and do it for her.

Now she is recovering from a stroke and I get to be part of this adventure, too. She doesn't get to do anything by herself. Someone has to be there ALL THE TIME. She can't even go to the bathroom alone because she can't manage her underwear and hold on at the same time. She is still bright and alert which makes her angry and aggravated at the whole situation.

When I stare into the future, will this be me??? Will my son have to take care of me?

I have diabetes, too. And so help me GOD, I want to fight a little harder, learn a little more, eat a little better, exercise a lot and finish this race STRONG!

Who's with me?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNIESADVENTURE 9/14/2011 11:25PM

    I'm a little late responding, but I am certainly with you. I've been doing the same thing, seeing everyone pass me up. I joined a Challenge team this Fall, and I'm sticking with it.

Your mother is so fortunate to have you. I take care of my Dad now, and we can't leave him unattended.
Hugs, my friend.
Annie

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NEWSTART127 7/3/2011 9:52PM

    Glad that you made the most of your walk and the surprise tunes!
Becoming aware of what we're doing will get us there... maybe not as quickly as we'd like, and there are all kinds of detours and back roads, and even some backtracking...
But it's the journey that we're on, and we'll get where we are meant to be when we're meant to be there.
I'm so glad that you can be there for your mom.
Hugs, Audra

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