Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Do you ever feel like you are standing on the other side looking through at what your life should be? You can see yourself lacing up your running shoes at 4am so you can get in 3 or 4 miles before hubby leaves for work and while it is still a decent temperature. You see yourself making healthy choices and having only a nibble of that temptation. You are taking a beautiful family portrait of a healthy family. Your smile is true and bright.
I don't know what is with me lately. I got myself in a rut. I feel like a completely lazy bum. I don't want to get up in the mornings. I don't want to clean. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to.... I don't want to do anything. There is part of me that yearns to do and that part gets sorely disappointed every day. I have stalled. The drive is gone and my head has completely left the game.
Things started changing back in April. I stopped tracking. I just didn't want to anymore. I still lost weight, so I thought "well, if I don't have to track and I can still lose, let's see how May goes". I said if I lost 5lbs in May, then I felt I could stop tracking completely. By mid-May I had lost the 5lbs... then throughout the rest of May, I proceeded to gain back those 5lbs plus 2 more. Hubby and I had started jogging together. I say the word together loosely. In essence, we arrive together and leave together, we don't jog together. The fact that he wanted to go at all was a great motivator. I lost the 7 Zombie pounds and 2 more. Then I stalled. We stopped hitting the trail. Hubby works all day outside. We have had 17 over 100 degree days so far and honestly I don't blame him for not wanting to get back out in the heat for two more hours to exercise. So what is my excuse?
My treadmill died, but am I saving for a new one? What is the excuse there?
My YMCA membership got cancelled due to a mailing error. Since I was on financial assistance, I have to reapply. I found that out two weeks ago... have I turned in the paperwork? What is the excuse?
The sad thing is I don't even have an excuse anymore. There is no excuse. I just don't feel like it. So if I don't feel like doing what is right, then what do I feel like doing? NOTHING! Nothing at all! How is that living? How is that life? Why would I let my days pass me by like that? Life is short, why shorten it more? I think I have a whole lot of self questions and not a lot of answers.
I think maybe the solution to all this is not having the answers to the endless list of questions. Forget the questions... just do something. Get your a$$ out of that chair and just do something... SOMETHING!!! SOME..... THING....GOOD...FOR...ME!
That is all...