What a week! I started last week feeling a little off track as I hadn’t lost anything since the previous week. It started badly when it came to keeping to my recommended calories which 1500 a day. That adds up quickly by the way!
I realized that on Monday and Tuesday I was almost up to that amount by mid afternoon! I was just feeling really hungry and eating more than I needed to for most meals. At lunch at work I ate extra sides and a doughnut and whatever else was on hand. I actually went up a pound by Thursday and was feeling pangs of guilt to accompany my pangs of hunger at night.
Why was I eating so much?? I realized that on Tuesday I hadn’t eaten much protein and had been loading up on carbs. I was feeling hungry all day…It came to me that night that this may be the issue. So on Wednesday I ate more protein and yet I still wanted to eat more and consumed well beyond my 1500 cal a day limit! Things were not going well!
Yesterday, I re read my blog from last week and realized that I hadn’t been doing what I had written about…mindful eating…I decided that I would truly put it into action. I did and it worked! I was aware of how the food felt, tasted, smelled like and it had me eating slower and enjoying it more. I even midway eating, realized that I wasn’t hungry for everything I had on my plate so I divided the portion into two and put it away for later. It also beat out the crazy cravings I was having on Saturday. Saturday I was having insane cravings which I have not had to deal with for a very long time! I think the subliminal tracks were helping me with this. But Saturday was something else! I wanted to eat all day! Since I was up a pound in weight, I refused myself to give in to the cravings. I tried to sit with the feeling I was having that was making me want to eat every hour. I was feeling a sense of anxiousness. I have been feeling that for a couple of weeks now with the ringworm and cleaning, the allergy to the treatment and other things one generally has to worry about. I feel my stress in my chest, a tightness as well as a restlessness in my stomach. I think I wanted to ease this with food. So I sat with the feeling instead and made myself a tea and worked on relaxing by listening to music, breathing deeply and even watching a funny movie. I didn’t give in!! I had even stayed up til 4am and still didn’t give in to my cravings! This is something that happens once a decade I think! But this time there was full awareness to the situation and the feelings I was having, and I was able to beat out emotional eating.
The following day I woke up and weighed myself and there was no change in weight…What??!! After all that hard work of resisting dammit?? I looked at my chart of wins…what is going on here!? I walked for 6hrs this week in monsoon weather! I even did a Zumba class online on Sat! I corrected my eating on Friday and didn’t give in at all! So why was I still up in weight?
Feeling grumpy I decided that I would focus on the mindful eating and just enjoy my day, go for a long walk and stick to my action plan and see what would happen. I’m being tested, is what was in the back of my mind. So I will pass it!
I took Minu for a 2hr walk, I made a plan for my meals and stuck to it, I happened to not have cravings and the mindful eating even helped me to eat less than I planned. Last night my appetite was calling but I resisted and focused on doing other things.
And my win is…I lost 2kilos!! I didn’t only maintain but I actually lost two kilos from what I was weighing on Thursday! I am thinking that maybe I was weighing high early in the week but either retaining water or not getting enough sleep but I was just hoping to get down a kilo and and be ok with maintaining…but I worked hard, stuck to my plan and goals and passed the test! WOOHOO!!
The biggest win is this, I didn’t give in to emotional eating. That is and has been the absolute hardest thing. I remember watching an Oprah show with Winona Judd. She was talking about wanting to lose weight and the battle she had with cravings at night. She had compared it to being harder than quitting smoking, which she had done in the past. I remember very well relating to this and thinking it was pretty much impossible to not give in to those nightly urges. That is when I have had all my cravings. I would sit in front of the television and eat a half day worth of calories in one sitting. It was such a habit for me and I would make up for it by hardly eating during the day. Not the way to eat or live by the way!
I have been lucky to not have had the cravings I used to have for the last couple of months. So trying to beat them was not an issue until Saturday hit. I surprised myself and realized that all that I have put into play in changing my lifestyle is truly working. I am getting control around food! I am starting to resist emotional eating by sitting with the emotion instead. I am mindfully eating and getting the most satisfaction from my meals and not wanting to overeat or eat the wrong foods.
So it’s time to celebrate…with some chocolate and fried chicken…KIDDING!! I will take myself for a pedicure on Sat, meet for a lovely dinner with friends and get social because I have been a bit of a homebody lately!
It already feels like a celebration just knowing that I am closer to my ultimate goal of being in control and enjoying the process getting there!
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