Sunday, June 26, 2011
Okay so I've been gone for a while. It's been really frustrating. I recently started taking slimquick pills which was a warning to me that I had gone off the deep end. I only took it for a week and now that I started a new job I have decided not take them any more. Diet pills aren't for me anyways. I'm against them and I only started again because I had gotten desperate and my mom is a really bad influence on me.
I've been overeating more often and binging too. I have been binging since I was 13 years old but for the first time it had stopped when I was seeing a nutritionist about a year and a half ago and was working on Intuitive Eating. Some how the binging decreased majorly. However, I stopped seeing my nutritionist and I went back to my old ways and now the binging is back with a vengance.
I'm also working with 5th graders at a summer camp. They come from rough neighborhoods and have major attitudes so I come home stressed out and all I want to do is stuff my face to numb the feelings.
I've talked about this with my therapist and we got farther in my last sessions in terms of how far back my issues with food go and how I deal with stress. It goes as far as me being 9 yrs old.
Anyways, I'm not at a place where I can come and write about the healthy meals I am eating or how I burned 600 calories in my workouts. I'm just keeping it real. It's rough right now. I accept full responsibility for my actions and I don't see the numbers go down because I do overeat.
Sometimes I can control it and other times it is as if something overrides my brain.
I'm still working on healing myself and figuring out where the wires are crossed. I keep praying things will click the right way so that I can finally get healthy.
But, that's where I'm at right now. I can try motivating myself and try gimmicks to get me going again but I need to get to the root of the problem. As long as that exists, it's going to continue to shake my foundation.
I'm going to start seeing my nutritionist again in 2 weeks so that will be a nice thing.
Say a little prayer for me.