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ERINBEAR1876

SparkPoints
 

Accepting myself.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

This journey has been so much more than losing weight. More than becoming healthy. More than becoming active. Even more than overcoming obstacles, and getting up after I have fallen, which has happened more than a few times.

It has become now about accepting myself. Accepting me. For who I am, for everything inside AND out.

To take in every part of me, and not ONLY accepting, but loving. And being grateful. Proud. Happy. Cherishing myself.

I am me. There is only one me, one body, one mind, and one soul. I cannot replace any of these, and I can only change so much of me.

Acceptance. Accepting that there are no limitations but for the ones I set on myself. Nothing in my body, mind, soul is broken. So why restrict myself?

Because before my acceptance, I didn't let myself believe, TRULY believe, that I was worth it, or that I was going to be good enough, that I would succeed, even fluorish. I was scared of what would happen once I crossed a threshold. A threshold into a gray area of life I hadn't been before. This includes being under 158 (without being sick). This includes really pushing myself physically the way I know I can be pushed. This means being vulnerable to those around me but strong enough to say no, or to just put myself first and NOT feel guilty about that. This means facing myself, facing my inner demons, facing the not-so-positive aspects of my inner workings. And not trying to hide those demons by trying to drown them in food, in self-pity, in wallowing, self-hate, self-blame, feeling like I am worthless and hopeless.

Taking a step out of myself, out of my mind....and looking at myself objectively, and I see truly how far I have come in every single aspect of my life. I am proud of myself. And I look at my inner and outer self objectively and realize that I am not where I want to be, but I am where I need to be.

Want versus need. This has always been something I have struggled with. My impulse control (or lack of) has me wanting, wanting, wanting, and not stopping to think that I don't NEED them and therefore should not be focusing on them and to be just happy with what I have.

When I treasure the things I have that I need, the things that I want become either insignificant, and they will come or they won't, and I am accepting of that.

I have been taking a lot of time to be with my family and friends this past week, so I haven't been as active on SP as I would like, but I am going to try to fix that w/o compromising time for myself or family, because I feel like YOU are my family, too, and I cherish you!



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