New law needed?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
It seems that these days, people are more openly hurtful in what they say and do. Is it lack of morals, lack of discipline or just plain stupidity on their part? Do people have such low self-esteem that they feel it so necessary to continually and blatantly hurt people with their comments to make themselves feel superior? Is this what the world has come to? It is as if noone's feeling matter but their own.
As I am getting older, I have learned (yes, the hard way) that it just isn't worth my energy to respond to these inconsiderate morons. Yet, why do I continue to let it bother me "after the fact"? Someone told me that as we get older, we tend to care less and less of what people think and say about us. I somehow have not found this to be a true statement. I think that we care just as much but, that we have some how either become too lazy to exert the energy to respond or that we have slowly but, surely matured into knowing that they are just simpletons needing to make themselves look better thus, ignoring the situation rather than igniting it with more hurtful comments.
Afterwards, it is an inward battle of wanting to prove the imbecile wrong or to "be the bigger person" and "let it go". Why DO we care? Why do we let them slowly yet methodically get under our skin? Is it true that we are maturing and not wanting to put ourselves on their level?
After all of these years, people still use words to do more damage than any guns, bombs or wars could ever succeed in. The Bible even says that the tongue is sharper than any two edged sword! Have the minds of some people never matured beyond elementary school where "name calling" was the "in thing" to do? Where bullying is something to be proud of? Have there not been enough suicides, murders, and violence in the world yet? Must we, as a "modern, educated" people not learned anything since elementary school? With all of the laws that we have, too bad there isn't one prohibiting the "putting down of others"!
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Its a shame that a lot of people choose to spread negativity. I'm sorry that you're feeling the impact of someone's harsh words. About the whether we should let it go or not - in some cases I think that the other person deserves to know that they are out of line; in other cases where it just won't make a difference, at least you know who they are so you can stay away from them in the future.
2035 days ago
After the initial shock and hurt starts to wear off, I think to myself, what did I ever do to you to deserve that? That is the appropriate comment to make to that type of person. It usually brings them up short to tell them that their remark was hurtful and that I didn't do anything to deserve that treatment. It's funny that It usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You just happen to be there for them to dump on after they have had something else go wrong in their life so they take it out on you. Maybe they are jealous of you for some reason (usually the case) or you've irritated them when they are already ready to explode (another possibility). But you have to keep in mind, it isn't about you, they are slinging insults based on themselves and their history not yours. The insults they sling tell you all about THEM. Listen carefully to what they sling at you if you want to know about their life, not yours because they are projecting their life on you when they do that, especially if they don't know you very well personally. If you have the presence of mind or a quick mind you can say, "Wow, you've sure had a rough time of it haven't you?" and walk away from them. It will blow them away. I learned to do this with students it is called "handling people".(with students we didn't walk away) However it isn't very easy to do when you've been blindsided by someone you thought was your friend!
2040 days ago
Comment edited on: 6/24/2011 7:56:45 AM
Thank you my spark friends for your wonderful words of wisdom and understanding! It helps more than you will ever realize!!
2041 days ago
This really hit home with me on several fronts. First, I got sucker-punched really really hard about one month ago from someone I really respect(ed?) who just flayed me. I hadn't been that stunned by someone's comments in about thirty years. Although it really took the wind out of my sails, I let it go (a bit). I'm still thinking about it, but not gnashing my teeth or losing sleep. It was especially bad because two other people were with us. Both of them called or e-mailed me to say "Sorry, how are you?" So it wasn't just my perception.
Now, the thing about age. TOTALLY true. Since I think I have 15 years or more on you, I will share my old-age wisdom. (tee-hee) I don't think for me it is either of the things you mention: too lazy to respond or just realizing that they are simpletons (which is soooo often the case). I think the older I get, the more secure I am in WHO I am. If people want to say hurtful things or make fun of me, I just think "Well, they really don't know who I am or they wouldn't say/think such things." I do feel that it really just runs off my back at this point in time. If this came from Bob (spouse) or one of my children, it would probably be really painful. But because in our family we practice mutual respect, I just can't think of this happening. (They may think it, but I don't think they will say it!)
Thanks for a great blog that cries out for a kinder, gentler world.
2041 days ago
Have you heard of the expression "Empty buckets make a lot of noise". Well, it's the same with these people. Since they feel inadequate about themselves, they feel that by bringing someone down, it will make them feel superior. A simple question can be asked and it is "Was that comment really necessary to make your point?" People have to learn to be a bit more considerate of others and of their feelings.
Let us pray for these people for them to find the wisdom. Hugs.
2041 days ago
Profound blog, Theresa! For me, though, I do think I care far less what people think of me than I did at 10 or 12 or 20 or 30 or even 40. Yes, occasionally someone's comment gets to me. It has only happened once online and never - thank heavens - on SparkPeople.
When I was in my 40's I had a terrible boss once who was devious and persistent in putting me down. It absolutely tore me up. I had always been a good student and a good employee. I just could not please this man and I about made myself nuts trying. Finally, I saw it was his problem, not mine. I really came to not care what he thought of me. In fact, I respected him so little I would not have wanted to be someone he liked. That experience freed me from my habit of seeking everyone's approval all the time.
Take care, Theresa. Wishing you freedom, too.
2041 days ago
I agree, Theresa, although I don't think a law would stop some people. There are folks out there who feel they are above all rules, even those of common decency and respect :(
As I get older, I find that I'm growing even more cautious not only in what I say about others, but in what I even THINK about them, because I know I don't know their background, I don't know the inside of their head, I just don't KNOW folks well enough to get nasty about them. And maybe it's because I've experienced being the target of lies and supposition (thanks, ex-husband!), but I just don't base my opinion of people on what other people tell me about them... even if it's someone I generally trust. I don't disregard it, but I don't take it as gospel either.
Clearly there are people who clearly don't think like I do, and who feel it's just fine to smear others endlessly, whether it be on the national news or on more personal levels. When it's some twitty little teen I'm not so worried about it. But we see grown adults behaving like petty schoolyard bullies, and it's just appalling.
2041 days ago
Comment edited on: 6/23/2011 8:38:13 AM
I often think similar thoughts just listening to the news. Why do we give such importance to some of the stupidest, most cruel things a human can imagine??????
Sure wish I had some answers.
2041 days ago
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