Tuesday, June 21, 2011
For me, there was no big beginning. I don't remember ONE day when i decided that i need to do something to lose weight. I remember feeling a 'little big' as a child, i remember my mom telling me not to eat this or that, or too much of this or that. I remember feeling less attractive than the other girls in school. I remember looking in the mirror back then, in about 6th-7th grade and feeling that i'm relatively allright, but i wish i had thinner legs, a flat stomach and thinner arms. I constantly wanted to be smaller, thinner. I got bigger and bigger and when i started university i reached the highest until then. Ironically a man had to come to make me lose weight and get thin. I got a new boyfriend, quickly forgot the previous, and lost a lot of weight to make this new guy adore me. It worked. :) He did! :)
A lot of time passed since then. I was 19 years old back then and weighted 130 lbs at the lowest, i'm 24 right now (hate to say it but i'll be 25 in 2,5 months...). I gained back the weight i've lost (which was 18 lbs) and gained an other 28-29 lbs to it. Yupp, that's when i've hit 176 lbs and freaked out about my weight (for the millionth time by the way). Since the maximum i've lost 12 lbs, so i'm at 164 lbs right now, pretty far from my goal.
What im trying to say is that i don't have a new man right now that can make me not-eat-and-work-out-like-craz
y to lose weight. I'm with a new man (by new i mean he's not the one i've lost weight for a few years ago), the ONE, i think (he thinks so too lol :) ), and he loves and accepts me. Sometimes i feel that i'd love him to not like me this way because that way i'd be more motivated to lose weight - for him.
But that would be a bad approach. My approch the last time i lost weight was wrong. I shouldn't wanna lose weight for HIM (whoever that him is/was/will be through the years). I should do it for myself. I WANT to do it for myself, because that is the only reason one should do it (except for doing it for your kids and family - but not for a new boyfriend...). It's so funny how i always get to the topic of past/present boyfriends... I started writing this blog about having no big A-HA moment, but rather having years of slowly gaining, then a big loss for a guy, then slow gaining again...and right now i'm on an other weight loss journey.
I wish i had worked harder, i surely would've lost a lot more weigt than 12 lbs (in 6 months btw). But so far i couldn't keep on having high daily calorie deficits for more than about 4-5 days. After a few days i get fed up with it and ovoreat. I could still manage to lose 12 lbs but i'd LOVE to step it up, so that's partially why i decided to write a blog and maybe write more in the next weeks/months, because writing about my struggles and successes and any silly things i think of is like theraphy.
So here's to my theraphy! :)