Monday, June 20, 2011
Well, my good friends I did it again, I fell off the wagon. Seems to be a never ending theme this year.
After last writing I ended up injured, off the gym for several times and the pity parties that followed, well I sure made up for lost time. And I ask myself again, why do I sabotage myself. I'm up I'm down I'm all around. But when you take away one of the things that really makes me tick, exercise, well I just lose it.
So I took stock of where I am in Sparks. The teams I was on, were they appropriate, scraped back to the beginning so I wouldn't be overwhelmed.
I'm now up one size in my clothes, boy that's a big ahah.....not in a funny way. The more I had my pity parties the tighter the "new" pants became.
I know I've had many blogs where I am positive and trying to move forward. Truth was I was playing hide and seek with myself. In Pollyanna mode. I was not being realistic but moreover I think saying things that I wanted to believe but there was a block somewhere, probably in my belt notch.
I looked at "me" in the mirror just a few days before summer. All the new clothes I bought on a shopping spree in Maine, no longer fit. And I have to say it again, the new larger clothes are tight and uncomfortable. But no more upsizing, I don't like it, I can't afford it and I'm having a harder time at the gym with extra weight on. Sure I can blame alot of it on illness, injury and age. But it just doesn't wash with me now.
So when I got an email from another sparks member good friend, who is also struggling it hit a sore spot, and we vowed to help each other out. There is so much help here, I absolutely have to get this weight off. Forgetting about the aesthetics (which is not unimportant) my hubby and I both need this shot. He is on my team and together it will make life easier. Whenever I begged off the gym he stayed home with me, but in fact it'd have been more of a motivator had he gone, but he's just like that entirely supportive and not wanting me to feel bad about not going.
So tommorrow is the first day of summer and I'm beating it to the start line. Today started to journal food and exercise and will be opening my journals basically for accountability. There will be no hidden foods or drinks, that is my promise to all of you and to myself and my dear partner. Pity parties....no more. Parties yes. social yes, but all in moderation.
Well I've always said I'd know how I was doing without weighing in by how my pants fit, well now I know, I was right. The jury is still out on whether I start to weigh in again and if so how often. I tend to be a bit OCD when it comes to scales which in turn can into the mood of the day. I'll figure all that out later, right now, it's full speed ahead. Welcome summer and happy to start again on a nice summer day.