My goodness, when I fall on my eating, I fall hard! I have spent most of the last 5 days trying to watch what I eat, and then "not caring" and ending up either just overall eating too much, too crappy, or bingeing. My bingeing now is thankfully not as bad as it was before I started this journey (before, I could eat whole pizzas, and TWO footlong subs from Subway with at least 3 cookies). I did have eat out WAY too much, and I notice that I have felt just ick during this time. What motivation for continuing on a healthier path?
For the update on my work situation that I outlined but never came back to say what happened on my last blog, the meeting went just fine. I found out that only 4 of us so far have been audited (out of 25) and that it seems that we overall have been doing poorly, so I didn't have the target on my back that I thought I did. She reassured me that I am still one of her best workers, which made me feel good, and though I still have backup plans in place, I do want to work there for as long as I can, and even more hopefully be able to work there part time while I go to school in 3-5 years (oh, if only things went perfectly according to plan, right?).
I won't go into all the details of what I ate, but I will say I didn't track a THING during this time, and I didn't weigh myself. I weighed myself this morning, and my weight is 167.2. I am just hating this yo-yo'ing that I seem to have going on. I do know, though, that I am stress and emotional eating. Even worse, during the big eating sessions, I know I am eating to turn off all my feelings, all my emotions, and just lose myself in the eating process. Nachos, ice cream, Dairy Queen, etc. to name a few. I even had extras of fairly healthy food...cereal, grapes,...
But, I digress. To get to the point since I have limited time before my break is over, I need to regroup. I need to get back to what I know works for me. I need to be structured, but not perfect. I need to be active. I need to be busy. I need to work through my emotions, my feelings, obstacles that come my way. I need to be strong yet know my weaknesses and focus on them. I need to take a daily inventory of how I did emotionally, physically, nutritionally, and mentally. I need to prepare for what lies ahead, but be realistic in my expectations of myself as I go through future obstacles.
This weekend was an eye-opener for me. I am starting to get my self-esteem back, slowly but surely. I was at the splash park this Saturday with my sister and daughter, and my sister took a picture of us without me knowing it and posted it on FB. Normally, I would have looked at such a picture (I am in a swimming suit top and running shorts) and just about puked, or just would have honed in on the negatives. This time, I looked at the positives: My arms being more toned, my runner's legs (yes, I am a runner!!!), and I liked my butt! I added the pic below. Don't you just love my little cupcake running around? She hated that 2-piece though. She kept trying to pull the top down to cover her tum-tum.
I got up this morning, went to the gym, and put in 22 miles in spin class followed by walking 5 minutes, running 25 minutes, and walking another 5 minutes before going home. I have a sense of purpose today, and I want it to last. My plans for the day? To do what I can, to do MY best, and to not focus on perfection. That's it.
Do I still want to get to a certain weight before my daughter's birthday? No. My focus is to be healthy. I am still going to weigh myself on Wednesday's for the summer challenge I am in and I do want to at least maintain 160 for WW, but other than that I want to focus on losing fat, gaining muscle, and how I feel. And to do what I can to firm up the areas that I need to so I can avoid plastic surgery next year :o}
Here's to a happy, fun, and never boring Monday!