Sunday, June 19, 2011
I have thrown a mental tantrum over the past few days, and now I have to get a grip. I joined this site because I wanted to do the RFML 100DTS Challenge. I have 5 pounds I could lose, but I'm here more to tone up my action. I don't weigh myself much because I always weigh the same. Every few weeks I'll hop on a scale, it says the same as always, and I hop back off.
When we started the 100DTS challenge, I was really into it just like everyone else. I ate right, did exercise, and felt good about myself. I began to see results and I was happy. Eventually, I hopped on the scale and saw that I had lost 3 pounds. That was fun. A couple weeks later, when I hopped back on and the number was back up to my usual number, I didn't mind. I don't hate that number, and since I was still eating right and exercising (though a smidge less), I could attribute those pounds to gaining muscle.
Here's where the story goes wrong. I've been exercising yet a little less, and eating yet a little worse, as the weeks have gone by. Not terrible. Just not as well. A week or two ago, I realized that I wanted to seriously recommit myself to the challenge. (Side note: easier said than done.) So I have eaten better, exercised more, and I thought I was doing well.
Wednesday, I hopped on the scale...right after stumbling out of bed in the morning, unclothed, so I would be at my lightest. I'm not above a little self delusion or number tampering. I HAD GAINED TWO POUNDS! Let me just say, WTF!?! Of course, since my weight is ALWAYS THE SAME. I didn't freak out. I blamed bloat. Guess what, though? It wasn't bloat. I know because on Friday I got on the scale again, since these two pounds have me trippin', and they were still there. A person with sense would probably have done a work out, drank some water, made a healthy breakfast, and looked to spark friends for support. Of course, I didn't do any of those things. I WENT ON A FOOD BENDER.
I got really internally pouty, and put on my "screw you healthy lifestyle" stank face. I don't think I have made on healthy choice all weekend. I had a milk shake from Carl's Jr. (totally worth it), a quarter pounder with cheese meal (not great), McCone (not even hungry for it), McCookies (not bad but not great), Velveeta cheesy skillets (yuck), tortilla chips with cheese dip (could go for some right now), slice of pizza (might have been good hot), cupcake (I hate frosting), cheap red wine (elixir of life), and margaritas (one's tasty, four are a recipe for disaster).
In Summation, I sabotaged all my previous efforts because I felt p*ssy and pouty. I didn't like what I saw on the scale so, instead of being an adult about it, I had a tantrum.
I'm blogging to say that I'm done with that now. Also, I'm done with the extra two pounds I've gained. I'm going to get rid of them, along with 3 other pounds I'm going to think of as "insurance" pounds. Finally, I'm going to try to only eat things that I can put on a list followed by "good" or "great" in parentheses. If it doesn't fit the "good" or "great" criteria, I'm going to put it down and move on, because I need to have some damn sense.