I'm not sure what to call my blog post today.. so I'll leave it blank until the end.... So.... in the last 5 or so years... you would NEVER catch me in a dress, let alone shorts or Capri's... I just didn't want to wear anything other than pants for fear of embarrassing the people around me and feeling just.... gross... Anyhow... I would like to proudly say that I went to a wedding last Friday and.... I WORE A DRESS!!!! (and cute heals too!!!) Oh man... I felt so... pretty and confident..it was AWESOME.... okay, so my main story is this....
My fiance was taken to the dance floor with all the 'single' guys (he is NOT single! lol. But apparently you have to be married to get out of it) and ended up catching the garter.. I had no plans of going up there until finding out he caught it... Lol. great... now I HAVE to catch it (Can't let another girl get it!!)! The back story here is that previously.. I was one of the girls who hid in the verryyyy back of the crowd of girls and even if I caught it back there, I always had plans of dropping, running away from, doing anything to get away from THAT plague of catching it and being embarrassed b/c ALL eyes were on me.. Uh. NO THANKS... I would always say.... but... this time was Sooooooo very different. After I caught the bouquet, the DJ proceeded to tell me that I would be putting the Garter on Cye. LOL... greeeaaaat... So, the music came on, I danced a little toward Cye and started to put it on his leg... ERRRPPPP. the music goes off as the DJ tells me to RESTART! My little quick dance wasn't enough.... "Alright"... so, the music came back on and I restarted.. this time... I didn't care.. I was having fun ad I just let go. I got into the music, did a little dance, and ACTUALLY HAD FUN! (I even flung my shoes off, LOL) Everybody loved it and... it was a VERY exhilarating experience! For so long I have NEVER wanted any eyes on me b/c I was so ashamed of how I looked.. this time, I didn't care. I really did just have fun... I was..... ME. It was... phenomenal...I loved it.
Afterwards, it got me thinking... I really had fun... I didn't care that there was dozens upon dozens of eyes watching me be silly, b/c it was all in fun. I didn't feel like people were whispering about my weight. I wasn't "Fat Beth" I was.. "Beth". Fat Beth would have cringed at the thought up being in front of a small group, let alone a big group like that. Fat Beth has been around for so long that she forgot that Beth likes to be silly and have fun. Fat Beth was always too worried about what people might say. Fat Beth let people walk all over her - she was a push-over. Fat Beth never wanted to make anybody angry. She was too scared that they might make fun of her.. and even worst, they might not LIKE her! *GASP* She wanted everybody to like her. She wanted everybody to like her as she was.... but the problem is.. no one KNEW who she was... b/c Fat Beth isn't real... Beth is real. Beth is ready to learn who her true friends are. Beth is ready to stand up for herself. Beth doesn't care if she makes somebody mad b/c she speaks her mind. Beth wants to have FUN! Beth was tired of standing on the sidelines being envious of everybody else who didn't have this problem. So, for the very first time in a looooong time, I felt.. normal. I felt like me.. and I LIKED IT! It was AWESOME.
I don't think anybody will ever understand how I felt.. and how BIG of a deal it was for me to do that. Cye even said he was shocked that I even did it. Don't get me wrong... I Know I still have a long ways to go, I'm only about 1/2 way there... but if that's a taste of the confidence to come... I will take it! lol. So, with that, I would like to say goodbye to Fat Beth. She doesn't belong here anymore. She was always so negative about self image... and I am going to keep on letting her go, the more and more chances I get. However, I will never forget her... b/c without her I wouldn't have started to learn about eating healthy. If I was 'blessed' with a naturally decent figure I would probably eat a bunch of JUNK all day long and have no idea what was up with the processed crap I was putting into my body. So, in a way, I am thankful that I have been given this opportunity to learn so much about food and my body. It really is an eye opening experience once you start to learn. Amazing. :)
*I am sorry about referring to myself in the third person. It was the best way I could describe my thoughts... kind of odd I know... but I'll take it!:)*
To wrap things up... here's some pics!!!