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    DIGITALJEDI   14,254
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints

My Rant

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Reading other people's blogs always inspires me to write my own. It's more or less one of the few ways I've been staying on track this time. One of the most popular blogs at the moment is one about how the "friends" we have are not the ones who care or support us in our goals. In fact, they may want to hurt us rather than see someone else succeed. I would agree with this.

In fact, it's gotten to the point where my number of friends are very limited. Only one (and his girlfriend) comes over and hangs with me anymore (besides my loving and adoring boyfriend). But even that friend does not really know what my goals are, what's going on in my life or really who I am. In fact, my whole high school experience was rather similar. I'm not here to rant about high school really. My father told me once there are two people in life - those who enjoyed high school and those who did not. The ones who enjoyed it spend the rest of their lives looking back and saying "those were the years", while the rest of us look forward and know that our lives are going to be better as the years progress. Regardless, the people I went to high school with were not supportive. Hell, "not supportive" is a nice term. No one knew me. Not for lack of trying- it's not like I didn't throw myself out there at every opportunity. I was Engineering Society President and then Secretary. I tried to succeed in the Air Force JROTC program but was shot down there.

Terms like "power hungry bitch" and "controlling psycho" have been thrown around a lot. They don't hurt. Not anymore anyway. It's when it was "power hungry fatass" and "controlling fat bitch" that it hurt. When guys would say, "Kate, you're really nice and smart, and really like me, but you're fat. I hate fat chicks". It hurt when I would spend hours organizing and planning for a engineering competition, just to have the other members throw a "coup" and use my work to win national titles, all because "this was a skinny, smart person team, neither of which you are".

Yeah, so I've heard it all. People use my weight against me constantly. When we were kids my brothers used to call me "fatass" and then pound my head into the ground. I'd run to my daddy crying, he'd tell me to man the f*ck up and that people will call me fat my whole life.

You know what, f*ck that. Just, f*ck that.

I'm not going to be fat my whole life. I'm going to be who I want to be, people in my life be damned. I will meet my goals and I will be successful. F*ck my father, f*ck everyone I went to school with. Just, f*ck.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:

    Wow! People are so freaking cruel and it sounds like you have experienced a lot of pain. I want you to know that I am sorry that you had those experiences and if I could, I'd tell you that I was sorry for those who hurt you and apologize on their behalf. I had many of the same problems (visit my spark page). What I can tell you is this: You are young, you are learning and it sounds like you have a good handle on what you are angry about. I am proud of you! It took me until I was 40 to get angry and know where to direct the anger. You have people here who will love you unconditionally and want you to succeed. We will like you no matter what you look like, if you are losing or gaining, and we will be here to share positive and negative times with you. So, hang in there. You are at the beginning of a beautiful, learning journey. All the best too you, YOU ROCK! emoticon

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CHAOSTHEORY635 6/17/2011 1:42PM

    *hugs* You're a badass. Just keep ignoring them and being awesome.

On another note...I had pretty much no friends my first year or two of college. Just wait until the classes get smaller! It does get better. :)

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JMMATTHEWS1 6/16/2011 11:53PM

    You're not fat. You're great at the things you do. I've read your blog, and it was almost similar to my life at school. I read a lot of transportation books and study the history that my country has had since the 1890s and what a terrible system we have here in England. We've tried to change our ways, but still we keep relying on the Oil Industry and not look for alternatives, because of the financial complications. I know that I've gone on for too long. But hang on in there. Keep the spirit flying. Thanks, Jason.

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PUNKIN175 6/16/2011 11:44AM

    We are who we are because of all those a-holes. I know I am a better person now for having sat through so many "OMG DONT SIT ON ME!!!" "SHE'S GOING TO EAT US!!!" Idiotic freak outs knowing those people, unless complete sociopaths - are going to live less fulfilling, less meaningful, slightly guilt filled lives because they are ignorant little dust specks compared to the bright and shining star I am.

We are amazing. We know better, and we are worth this journey, no matter what goes on in the minds of those around us. Live life for you, for here and now. You are and will be AMAZING.

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HRIBELLINO 6/16/2011 10:07AM

  It sounds like you are coming into your own! Go for it!! Weight doesn't define you - but by all means use it to empower and push you!

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