Thursday, June 16, 2011
Reading other people's blogs always inspires me to write my own. It's more or less one of the few ways I've been staying on track this time. One of the most popular blogs at the moment is one about how the "friends" we have are not the ones who care or support us in our goals. In fact, they may want to hurt us rather than see someone else succeed. I would agree with this.
In fact, it's gotten to the point where my number of friends are very limited. Only one (and his girlfriend) comes over and hangs with me anymore (besides my loving and adoring boyfriend). But even that friend does not really know what my goals are, what's going on in my life or really who I am. In fact, my whole high school experience was rather similar. I'm not here to rant about high school really. My father told me once there are two people in life - those who enjoyed high school and those who did not. The ones who enjoyed it spend the rest of their lives looking back and saying "those were the years", while the rest of us look forward and know that our lives are going to be better as the years progress. Regardless, the people I went to high school with were not supportive. Hell, "not supportive" is a nice term. No one knew me. Not for lack of trying- it's not like I didn't throw myself out there at every opportunity. I was Engineering Society President and then Secretary. I tried to succeed in the Air Force JROTC program but was shot down there.
Terms like "power hungry bitch" and "controlling psycho" have been thrown around a lot. They don't hurt. Not anymore anyway. It's when it was "power hungry fatass" and "controlling fat bitch" that it hurt. When guys would say, "Kate, you're really nice and smart, and really like me, but you're fat. I hate fat chicks". It hurt when I would spend hours organizing and planning for a engineering competition, just to have the other members throw a "coup" and use my work to win national titles, all because "this was a skinny, smart person team, neither of which you are".
Yeah, so I've heard it all. People use my weight against me constantly. When we were kids my brothers used to call me "fatass" and then pound my head into the ground. I'd run to my daddy crying, he'd tell me to man the f*ck up and that people will call me fat my whole life.
You know what, f*ck that. Just, f*ck that.
I'm not going to be fat my whole life. I'm going to be who I want to be, people in my life be damned. I will meet my goals and I will be successful. F*ck my father, f*ck everyone I went to school with. Just, f*ck.