7 DEADLIES--Letter from FUTURE KITTYCHONES
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Dear KittyChones in June 2011,
You are in some ridiculous rut of laziness right now, and I know your schedule was purportedly thrown for a loop last year, what with wedding planning and then the vacation and then your schedule being blammed to eternity, but guess what? Last. Year. Laaaaaaast yeeeeeaaar. You need to get going again, and I'm going to make several appeals. These appeals will be familiar, but I'm trying to organize them in a creative, witty way. Nevermind the gaps in your catechism or theological education, it works.
1. So, let's say you decide to try to not exercise and just lose weight through better eating. You know how to eat, but what about when you get thinner? No muscle tone, no strength. Therefore, it's more attractive to exercise and you will be even more smokin' hot than you already are (Lust).
2. Another thing. Remember how awesome you feel when people are all impressed and junk that you run races? Who cares about the time? You can do it, and you like that burst of satisfaction you get from finishing and surprising people and stuff (Pride).
3. As Elle Woods says, exercise makes you happy, and happy people don't murder their husbands. Dave will probably appreciate the endorphin-filled Kitty Chones more than the angry version. (Wrath)
4. This is a twofer. You know how when you exercise, sleep comes easier, deeper and more deliciously? Oh yeah. And on top of it, exercise breeds more exercise. It's hard to keep still because you always want to do things to kill the restlessness. (Sloth)
5. This one is actually kind of tricky. I could relate it to your shopping habit, and remind you that Runners' World and Bicycling are actually expenses and that Athleta and Team Estrogen shopping excursions don't come cheaply. You know you want an Orbea and are trying to find a way to justify its purchase. Or, you could imagine that running is one of those things that gives you MORE MORE MORE. Each minute, each mile add up like dollars. Or, I could point out that exercising now, in your thirties, will probably save money in the end, or there's the very real likelihood that exercise will let you live longer (barring things you don't really have control over, and control is a very good thing to have in this situation). (Greed)
6. Use this one for competition. Beat others, beat yourself. Go. Fight. Win. Challenge. (Envy)
7. I am you. I know you. You like to eat. You are not picky, and you like to taste things. Cake, Indian buffets, novelty ice creams, anything that comes off a truck. You don't comfort eat so much as you want to taste everything. And have a glass or three of wine. After several years on Spark, you've learned about portions and balance and other important structural tenets that you somehow missed in the first 30 years. So how does exercise fit in here? Exercise boosts your metabolism and will let you make far better accommodations than you thought possible. (Gluttony)
As you know, there's a lot of overlap between the sins. Envy gives way to greed, lust of food is gluttony in disguise, you have sometimes not-charming moments of vanity and pride...but find a way to make them work for you. Be selfish about your time. Look for the different motivations that will get you outside on a hot, horrible day. Maybe all it takes is a skort, or the idea of flipping double birds as you run, in response to everyone who didn't think you could do this, or anything else. You can, you just need to start. You even did it before, so the only person you need to convince is yourself.
xxoo, Future You.
PS. Your time during the Twilight 5K in July will be better than some, worse than others. I know you don't like Woody Allen, but I'll paraphrase: [misremembered statistic] of life is just showing up. You already know that. And it usually works out. And it cuts down on the stupidest of emotions: regret.