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Dreading my long run, pushing through the doubt.

Monday, June 13, 2011


I feel a certain sense of dread about my long run tomorrow. I only have about 9 more opportunities to get the long distances in for my marathon training. my training due to my schedule is inconsistant at best so i do what i can in spite of the challenges. I have a sense of peace that it will all work out in the end but I cant shake the feeling like either i am totally wasting my time, what the heck are you doing this for?, WHY?, not again!, you're too fat to do this... and a whole host of negative left brain messages sent from hell just to screw up my momentum.

Trying to shake it off . This is all part of the mental game and the mental challenge that distance running throws up in our faces. Ill be fine but i am having to push through it and yes I am going to go in spite of how I feel tomorrow AM.

I also think that some of this is due to fatigue. just got off of 12hr shifts which ALWAYS leaves me in a positive upbeat

Long runs however, quite frankly are exhausting and lonely. I always feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of a successful endeavor BUT.... the amout of hours spent out there sweating, baking, cramping, pushing, sometimes taxes my will.

Just being honest.

This is all part of the price that this type of commitment demands. I am pushing my squishy body to do things that are difficult and challenging. The marathon does not play favorites, you either do the work or it will defeat you. there are no shortcuts. I guess that is one thing I like about this, there are NO glass ceilings, no good-ol'-boys club, no inside connections to get you in.

All must pass the test, no exceptions, no cheating, and the scales of running justice are truly blind and balanced.

total dedication and commitment is what is required to enter.... I'm knocking.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I used to watch my mom train and then run marathons. It's exhausting work. Running got her to lose all the weight that 4 children and illness put on. I can remember going out to eat with her and her fiancée when they were training: once she fell asleep IN her pasta, face first, and another time both of them ate a full breakfast and a full lunch then went to another restaurant for dessert because the waitress at the first place was a bit horrified by their brunch orders. I know that she often questioned her motives for such long runs, but she delighted in the health she gained. Keep up the good work Robert.
    1872 days ago
    Oh, I know that feeling of dread all too well. Waking up on a weekend at 5am after a long week so I can beat the worst of the summer heat when I really would rather sleep in... Miserable. But the feeling of accomplishment at the end is the best. I want to do a marathon, but the soreness after my 13 miles makes me think twice, some times. Major kudos to you on your marathon training. You're doing awesome. You inspire me to work and train harder. Keep it up!
    emoticon emoticon
    1872 days ago
    Knock away, my friend! You can do it! I appreciate your honesty and I think I'd worry a little if you weren't a little nervous. That's a big undertaking.
    1872 days ago
  • v LILIVW
    Wow - I am feeling much the same way about my upcoming 1/2 marathon (my first). I am dreading my long run this week and must push past it too. Best of luck to you. You can do this - you have already proven yourself in so many ways.
    1872 days ago
  • v ANNIE7205
    When I was going through a particularly rough transition period and was quite scared of the next step, a good friend told me "If you're not afraid of this, you should really be scared." We have fears, negative thoughts, doubts, etc. for a reason. The trick is to use them to our advantage. Fear means that I need to make sure I'm fully prepared and I'm not overlooking something important. Negative thoughts mean I might be focused on the wrong thing and need to open up my view so I can see the positive side. Doubt means I'm pushing myself farther than I thought I could and that is something amazing. Best of luck - you are doing something amazing. Don't forget that - even when it really sucks!
    1872 days ago
    YOU CAN DO THIS, ROBERT!!! I know you can! I, too, find it getting harder to get out there consistently to get in the necessary miles to keep training just for a half. I think it would be so much easier with a training buddy, but my schedule, too is a little crazy and I haven't found a running partner with the drive and determination to commit to training run consistently. So, I bring all my Spark friends with me - and YOU lead the group - SO KEEP RUNNING!!!

    Why are we doing this??? Because WE CAN - and we will continue to push that envelope...amazing even ourselves!
    1872 days ago
    I'd be more worried if you DIDN'T feel uneasy about what lies ahead of you. If you went into it with full-on bravado and a 'no sweat' attitude, that would be a recipe for disaster. You respect the distance. You know what's required of you to meet the challenge.
    I do wish you had someone to train with. It's made all the difference in my world - I can honestly say that I don't think I could push through and be where I am in my training today were it not for my Tribe. You, getting to this point, on your own, is testatment that you can, indeed, do this!
    1872 days ago
    I agree - sometimes long runs are the pits. Lack of sleep sure doesn't help! Keep reminding yourself that doing the work will ensure you have a comfortable race!
    1872 days ago
    I felt the same way this past Saturday. Granted, my long run was only 5 miles, but it was 3/4 of a mile jump from my last run and I usually increase by 1/3 of a mile.

    I was able to do it w/ no problem, and actually ran 1 mile more than last time.

    You can do it, you know you can. The apprehension before is normal.
    1872 days ago
    You can do it!! I know you can! Look how far you've come so far, and all the obstacles you've blown through!!! You got it in the bag dude!!! lol
    1872 days ago
    I'm so excited for you and am eager to see how it turns out. I love that you blog about everything so I can almost know what you're feeling. Keep plugging away, you'll get to the finish line in no time.
    1872 days ago
    Hang in there Buddy,

    The feelings will pass. Just put some good tunes on the mp3 player and keep putting one foot in front of the other.. Use the time to reflect on how far you have come not how far you still need to go. Enjoy it.
    1872 days ago
  • v LADYGWEN25
    ok i'm going to be the opposite of what most people are telling you... i'ts OK to have moments of negativity.. as long as not all moments are negative...You're having them for a REASON.Is there something going on in your life other than training that is making you question you...I find with long runs they allow me to zone out to the rest of the world and zone IN to myself... they give me freedom to think and digest and answer that age old question of: WHY AM I DOING THIS?? is it really to add another race chapter under my it to squash insecurity and low self esteem.. WHAT IS IT?? when i figure out "it" is... i can adress the issue and move forward.....ON2Victory. :)
    1872 days ago
    You can do this! Though it would be easier if you didn't do the long runs alone, of course. But you know that it's mind over matter. And you've got the mental game. emoticon
    1872 days ago
  • v JANEMAR2
    I have full confidence that you will be able to push through this and accomplish your goal.

    1872 days ago
  • v MIZZSB
    everyone has doubts, but i know you can do this! You have come so far...
    1873 days ago
    emoticon you have achieved so much so far, and you have so much I know you can still achieve.
    Enjoy the run emoticon
    1873 days ago
    No room for doubts when you're making your happy ending. Go for it and love your pic! Definitely proof you're a RxStar!

    1873 days ago
    Robert...Ive been dealing with the negative, mean , nasty voices myself...SQUASH THEM!!! Stop em, pound em, tell them they are not welcome. YOU ARE WORTHY...YOU CAN DO IT!!!

    1873 days ago
    You can do it! Just enjoy the long run. Get into that happy place and embrace it.
    1873 days ago
    S T O P!!!!! YOU ARE STRONG, LOOK HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME!! DO NOT GIVE THOSE DOUBTS ANY SPACE!! We know you can do this, OWN it!! emoticon
    1873 days ago
    Well my friend you have my well-intended push for excellence. You have it in you. I know it and you know it. It's hard, but the prize is worth the pain. As for knocking, you strike me as more of a push the door in with a big friendly smile and hello... Go for it!
    1873 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/13/2011 10:20:24 PM
  • v RUN4FOOD
    Best of luck to you on your long run tomorrow. Long runs alone can be very challenging. However I have found that the long runs help me focus and improve my running, learning what I can do better.
    1873 days ago
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