Monday, June 13, 2011
I accidentally did.
Oh, okay, I knew what I was doing.
Anyhow, here's for another try at thinking positively about becoming healthy.
When I first started on SP the summer of 2009, I was pretty positive about changing my eating and exercise, but I was pushing every other problem in my life under the carpet (or in the case of the ignored bills, into the back of a drawer). At that time, I never talked with anyone about my big problems, including my weight and eating, and having spark people and blogs and everyone here's helpful responses really helped! It was like a first step between saying nothing and talking to someone. So after you guys helped me, I started seeing a counselor about the big anxiety and avoidance, etc. It was so hard to talk to her that I actually physically lost my voice during our appointments!! It was really strange. It's been over a year now and things are much better.
But the thing is, I've stopped thinking about eating healthy and exercising, and I've gained at least 15 more pounds. I want to wear the clothes in my closet instead of having to buy more every six months. I want to get real about body image and know that I can be accepted and loved regardless of my size and shape. And I want to not feel ashamed of myself, but try to become healthy out of love and hope instead. I'm writing this because I hope I can say it to my counselor, because I think it will help to talk about it - but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it come out. I've tried to bring it up for several appointments now and I can't do it. So maybe if I say it here, it will be easier to take the next step and say it out loud!