Monday, June 13, 2011
Well, it has been so very long since I posted that many of you have well forgotten about me. I've all but fallen off the face of the earth. I have checked in on a few of you from time to time to see your amazing progress and to get a bit of motivation. So many of you are such great inspirations! You keep me moving forward in the midst of the ups and downs. Thank you! You may not know what you've done for me but it's been so very helpful.
Much of my absence has been due to medical issues. A few months ago I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. The long and short of it...my stomach is paralyzed and does not work properly. It's been a stubborn hindrance on my weight loss and well...the binge eating hasn't helped. Bearing my soul here... eating makes me ill, but I eat to soothe the stress, the boredom, and the depression. Iím restricted to what I can eat. And when I do eat it makes me ill. Then I over do it and binge and make myself even more ill. One would ask, ďWhy in the world would you do that to yourself then?Ē Trust meÖitís a question Iíve been trying to answer for the last few months. If I knew, I wouldnít be doing it. Iím frustrated because I cannot eat the healthy foods that are necessary to lose weight. I can no longer eat fiber or fresh fruits and vegetables. I cannot eat whole grains. These things are all hard to digest; therefore, I need to stay away from them. Iím also supposed to look towards eating a low fat diet. This has been my struggle. Iím more apt to eat higher fat content foods as well, they taste better, and they donít seem to make me as sick. I need to be eating small portionsÖ.okÖVERY SMALL portions, about 1/2c to 1c every 4 hours. I have fallen off the wagon on this one TERRIBLY. One would think that with a ďmedicalĒ condition that this would be simple enough to follow beings how youíve been told to eat this and not that and to eat a certain way from your doctors and dieticians. But for the LIFE of me Iíve been screwing up from day one! Grrr! (Feel free to bail out from my sob story at any time).
So thatís my story and Iím very tired of letting food rule my life. I canít even do what Iím supposed to to live with my condition. They donít know what has caused it and thereís really no possibility of it getting better. I have to cope and my dietician is really the only one that understands that this is a very difficult struggle. However, I even gave up on my dietician because I wasnít doing what I was supposed to to hold up my end of the deal and I wasnít losing weight or I just felt like he would be disappointed. I wasnít gaining, but maintaining. Iíve maintained like a champ. Guess thatís better than gaining. So Iím pleased in that respect. I could have easily gained back the 22lbs I lost in a month due to being sick, but that has stayed off. So there is an up side to this I guess.
I hate saying ďMonday is my restart dayĒ, ďMonday will change everythingĒ because it usually never works that way. But Iím going to try and make an asserted effort to get things back on track today. Iím getting back on with wagon at Spark and going to look to all of the amazing positive motivators that have so much to offer. I know Iíve let you down and have fallen away. It wasnít my intent by any means. Iíve realized how much Iíve missed everyone.
If by chance any of you are dealing with Gastroparesis please get in touch. Iíd love to talk with anyone else who may be facing the same struggles. Gastroparesis usually causes great weight loss but for some it can cause weight gain or struggles with weight loss like what I am facing. Iíd be nice to know that Iím not alone. I won't let this defeat me. I've realized that I've started to let it win, but I must push forward and do my part to win the battle.
Thanks for listening...
Hereís to a great week everyone! Hereís to new beginnings and much success!