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1st blog

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I have never done this before, but I figured I give it a try. I am trying to maintain my goal weight, which I am pretty sure is 115. I have lost over 45 lbs and people tell me I look so thin. And let me tell you, having gone from bulging out of a size 14 to sometimes a size 2 usually a 4, I should look thin. But to myself I really don't look as thin as I think I should. Does anyone else have this problem? I did not feel that I looked that bad 45lbs heavier, but I don't think I look as good as I should now. I guess it is good to have something to strive for right?

My other problem is self sabotage, which I am desperately trying to be aware of. It is like I see how much I can indulge and see what it does each week. If I don't gain too much, I sometimes unconsciously keep doing it. Like yesterday, I knew I ate things that I normally would not, popcorn and candy at the movies, then candy and icecream and cookies at home. The devil on my should was saying have something else and the angel was saying what are you doing? But the devil won, cuz I kept eating and feeling more and more crappy physically and emotionally. I am sure there are people who know where I am coming from...Why am I doing this?

The last thing on my mind is vacation in 30 days. 1st off, we are going away with a friend from HS whose been thin and active all her life. I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. So tomorrow I am starting Turbofire (beachbody product). I took my before pics today for some motivation. I will post them when I get after pics to go with them. So, what did I do tonight after having made this conscious decision...order chinese for diner, not a terrible choice, but I should have made something right here at home. I am determined to make better choices from here on out. I want to be a role model for my daughter. Teaching her about health and fitness, not dieting! I guess that is enough ranting for now. It is a bit cathartic.
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    This is a blog I could have written. I know exactly how you feel. I think since I struggled with weight issues all my life I can not ever feel comfortable with myself. I have lost nearly seventy pounds and when I look in the mirror I don't see skinny. The last time I was this weight I was in H.S. But my body certainly doesn't look like it did then. After kids and gravity. LOL. I have a 12 year old daughter and I know that I have not given her a good example to follow. Because I'm weight obsessed I see her worrying all the time. This is something that I wish I could change. Oh and guess what, I also had chinese for dinner last night, and I experienced the same guilt as you. But of course I didn't stop eating it.
    We can do this! One day I hope food/diet will not control me any longer
    . emoticon
    2476 days ago
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