Friday, June 10, 2011
This blog is very naked, I've exposed the lies I've told myself and the figures I've avoided putting on spark page.
At the beginning of the year I made it my goal to get to 56kg or 20% body fat, (apparently they are not the same goal, but I never double-checked). I got there and passed there as of yesterday. But I'd already moved my goal to 55kg.
I moved my goal down to 55kg based on the fact that it was my sister's goal (who is taller than me) and my aunt's (who is shorter). Join them, I thought.
56kg is lighter than I've been in my adult life. I have a long line of paperclips on my monitor representing the 9 kilograms I've lost. (In fact, the heaviest I got was 67, so I could add another 2). 11 kilograms, wow, I wouldn't have thought I had that much to lose.
I've planned a elaborate series of rewards for the weight I've lost, but have consistently failed to actually get them for myself. And my recent spate of clothes shopping has really been to deal with my irritation at my baggy wardrobe, than a real reward. (Plus, with my student's budget, has been very much on the cheap side).
Well, I'm rewarding myself now with a course of beauty treatments. Yay, me.
But I'm also looking at rethinking the goal. Apparently, 20% body fat will be at 52kg. It may be less, since I've been lying to myself about my true height for years and my bf calculations are based on this lie. 52kg, for the first time in my life, seems thoroughly doable. I'm also conscious, and have been thinking a lot about, the fact that numbers are not everything.
Anyway, I'll get to 55kg, or close to there, before rethinking the goal (again).
Things I'm grateful for right now:
* I look like someone who knows a little about fat loss and sport, as opposed to eating a very clean diet, exercising 6 times a week and dragging around lots of fat;
* My power to weight ratio is better than it's been in my adult life, which I'll test drive at the climbing gym once my shoulder is better;
* My muscles are nice and visible without the fat hiding them;
* I'm skinnier than I have been in my adult life;
* I can eat pizza;
But mostly, I didn't give up, despite all the trials and tribulations of the last few years.