Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Goodness, its been way too long since last I wrote a blog. Today I felt compelled to share my feelings, such as they are.
I'm feeling BIG! I've always been a big boned tall woman but now I'm really BIG and it brings me down. I'm totally committed to the Spark People program and spend my days mostly sparking. So why don't I eat right? What causes me to wallow in self pity while munching on 100% wheat toast with 'I Can't believe Its Not Butter'? That should be a healthy snack...but its loaded with fat. The same is true of all the foods I love...Cool Whip Light with fresh strawberries, homemade rice pudding made with Splenda.
When trying to figure out why I'm not getting any smaller I KNOW its because of a lack of control. My appetite is smaller than it once was, but that doesn't mean a full cup of rice pudding isn't gonna hang around the belly for time immemorial. Top it off with the wide variety of meds I take and my insulin and I qualify as the 'difficult' to lose weight queen.
So today I decided to whine in public. Let it all hang out...it does anyway! I know from experience that every time I blog many of you give me support and encouragement and this is my shameless appeal for more of the same.
I want to be 'healthy'...not thin because that's impractical at my age and station in life. I want to look like anything but the beach ball I resemble. My motivation is somewhere in Netherland these days. So sad. I 'see' so many of you winning the battles. Many are even on the final lap of the journey to winning the war. I want to be one of you.
I want to get up in the morning and feel energized and enthusiastic. I want to finish my day feeling righteous, like I've done what I meant to do. Anybody have any great...or small...ideas? I'm in the market for anything that can move me beyond this wall of limitation.
Now it occurs to me that 79 days of non-smoking has probably taken its toll on my weight loss fitness journey. But I'm thinking that's enough time to give in to the alternative satisfaction.
OK - rant over. Just needed to put me out there dear friends. I want to be solid in my commitment to health. Each time I start to put something in my mouth I want to realize what I'm doing instead of blindly accepting that if it goes in the mouth its 'good'.
For all of you I wish you a day of sunshine without too much heat, a weekend of enjoyment and the knowledge that you are loved.
"Good friends are like Angels! You don't have to see them to know they are there!" ~anonymous