Wednesday, June 08, 2011
There's a line in the movie "Independence Day" which I can relate to. The farm duster pilot is trying to send his bomb into the alien ship and it's jammed. He decides to save the planet to commit suicide and blow up the alien space craft with his own ship, saving the planet and his family. As he's sending his plane into the ship he says, "Hello Boys - I'm back!"
The past few months have been a roller coaster ride. After losing my brother to suicide I couldn't seem to find the focus or strength to stay focused on working out or losing weight. Funny, I know the stages of grief and know that this is normal - I just didn't realize how hard it was to find my way back to life. It hit me a few weeks ago that I hadn't really laughed in a while or enjoyed spending time with my husband since my brother died. And, to be honest, I didn't care. I was kind of numb to everything. But God is good and He has been helping me through the journey. I've started to notice things again - friends have made a point of calling me. And my husband has loved me, held me, listened when I needed to rant about something, and just been there. I even found myself laughing this past weekend. I'm finding my way back.
Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 24 years of marriage. This man has been my friend, lover, encourager, rock, cheerleader for 33 years. When we met, I fell hard and thought I could never be good enough for someone like him (his mom and I think he looked like Tom Selleck in Magnum PI then and I think he looks better than Tom does now:)) Amazingly, he fell just as hard and asked me to marry him. I still enjoy his company and still think he's the perfect man for me.
I will always miss my brother - suicide is a pointless, selfish act of giving in to feelings of worthlessness and pain. I wish I had known how much my brother hurt and I wish I could have dome something to help him. But, I couldn't help and he chose to end his pain.
But life is for living and I'm ready to rejoin life. And life includes getting back on track with exercise and eating right. So, Hello Boys (and Girls!) I'm Back!!