60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 72,259

Here we Go... Again :) Back to Basics

Saturday, June 04, 2011

I have spent a lot of time reflecting. Trying to figure out what is going on. It is hardly a mystery, it more comes down to how I have chosen to deal with things that are going on. Basically, it boils down to work. I enjoy my job. We have recently gone through a system conversion that basically automates the entire bank and more or less eliminated most of my job. I wasn't laid off, I still have plenty of work to do (people are always going to spend more money than they have!) but the bulk of what I was doing has been eliminated so everything is different, and new. I don't do well with change, but more so when it is out of my control. I am getting the hang of the new system, and once I am more familiar with it, I think I may actually start to like it. However, not all my co-workers feel the same and their negative attitudes are starting wear on me. I am a very emotional environment type person. I tend to absorb the vibe around me and it effects my own outlook and attitude. I have always been this way. If I am around happy, positive people, I will reflect that in my attitude and outlook. On the flip side, the same applies to negative people too. I am just getting really tired of being in this negative environment day in and day out. I do try very hard to keep work at work and my personal life in my personal life. Obviously, sometimes one crosses over into the other, but for the most part I try to keep them separate. Lately, I have been bringing the negativity home with me. It is such a drain that when I do get home, I don't want to do anything. I don't even want to cook supper. Which leaves me ravished by bedtime and I am hunting for, finding and stuffing my face with whatever I can find in the cupboards. Luckily, for me, I don't buy much 'junk' food anymore so I haven't been doing too much damage to myself, but I am also not moving forward. I have been feeling trapped, I guess. Trapped at a job that I am not happy at, but don't want to leave. Trapped by the negative environment that seems to be breeding inside that bank. Trapped by my own inaction to change my reactions to all of it. What it comes down to is this: We are in a period of adaptation and change. It will take some time. At the end I will either decide to stay or I will decide that I have gotten everything out of it that I can, and I will move on. I have to accept that reality. I also need to accept that I am letting the situation control me. I have started to revert back to my unhealthy dealing mechanisms (READ: Binge eating to avoid dealing with stress) and I need to get myself back together. Instead of using my healthy coping mechanisms, I am eating in order to mask the true issue. The issue is if I am not satisfied with my job, if I am truly unhappy, if I don't feel like I have anywhere to go within the company, I will have to leave. I will have to start over. That thought scares me. Terrifies me. Am I willing to remain because I am simply afraid to make the leap and change careers? I don't know. I am still young. There is no reason to fear change, other than the fact that I will have to start over. I am also willing to put in my time, work my way up, and try to advance. I would like to become an officer. Unfortunately, it is the kind of place that unless someone retires, you aren't going anywhere, especially up...

Now that you have worked your way through the main issue with me, let's find something to DO about it. I have been focusing so much lately on what ISN'T happening that I am making no effort to make ANYTHING happen. I have not allowed myself a single moment to savor and appreciate what I have done in the last couple of months. I have lost 100 pounds. (I am avoiding the 4 lbs I have put back on because of the above issues, because once I get through this, they will be gone again!) ONE HUNDRED POUNDS. That is INSANE for me to wrap my head around. And I did it myself. Matthew and I were watching the Biggest Loser Finale and they were going through all the people who go sent home and the people who lost 60, 70, 80 lbs while they were on the Ranch, and Matthew looks over at me and says "And you did that, and more, at home with out trainers or cooks or fancy gyms." He said it so matter-of-factly that I was caught a bit off guard. You know what? He's absolutely right. I did. I have. And I will continue to do it. I will. I just have to get back to basics.

I ran a Half Marathon. Me. I did that. And I will do it again. And again. And again. I am a runner. I am an athlete. I need to start treating myself as such. I need to be making better choices in the foods I eat. I need to drink more water than I have been. I need to strengthen my body. Here is why: I have at least one 5K race every month in 2011. Sometimes 2. Matthew has started running too. He has done 3 races so far and will be doing each of the remaining ones as well. We will also both be running the Quad Cities Marathon (Half Marathon for us) in September. Then in October I have my sister's wedding and the 2 more Half Marathons. February bring Princess in WDW, and then Matthew and I have decided to seriously start trying for Baby #2. As you can see there is a lot happening in the next year, and my mind has to be in the right place for this to go right. And right now, its just not there. It will be.

I am going back on my program. Enough of this. Enough. I am done. I am done wallowing in misery. I am done being stagnant. I am done doing just enough. I am done. I am going back on the wagon. Hell, I will push the damn thing if I have to, but it will get going in the right direction again. Like, I said, back to basics. Food Log is opening up again. My food scale is being dusted off. No more 'eyeballing' measurements. Portion size will be reigned in again. Snacking will be kept under control. H2O consumption will increase, and coffee consumption will decrease. I will run 3 times a week. Each running session will be 5K at LEAST and one session will be a Long Training Run. I will go to Zumba at least once a week (twice when my work schedule allows). And I will do strength training 3 times a week. I will do core work everyday to help with my running.

When it is all written out, it seems like a lot, but this is what I was doing that got me to 100 pounds lost in the first place. This is what will get me through. Hang on, Sparklers, we are back on the road! I am back, and I am better, and I am done being a victim to my circumstances. This is it. Change is in the air, and Damn, does it smell good!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CJUNE01
    I just came across this blog post, and it is exactly what I needed. I'm getting back on track too, so this resonated with me. Thanks! Hope all is going well!
    2423 days ago
    I just stumbled across your blog, and it is exactly what I've needed today. I hope you're getting back on track, and your blog helps me refocus my priorities too. Thank you!
    2424 days ago
    What a great blog. Inspires me to get out my food scale. Thanks for the inspiration.
    2446 days ago
    What a great blog! I love your grit and determination to get back at it again. Sometimes, we have to do just that - reset and do it all over once more.

    RAWWR on Spark-sister!
    2448 days ago
    I stopped by your page because I saw your name on someone else's friend feed, my daughter is an Emily Rose! I know exactly what you mean about a negative environment at work. But do be hopeful, change is so hard, harder for some than others. You may find that as everyone adjusts to the changes made they will lighten up. In the meantime keep reminding yourself that their attitude is not yours and that their negative vibes don't have to become yours. It is not easy but I know you can do it. I work around a number of negative people, I have been working very hard at not letting myself become one of them. It is not easy, it is often so much easier to complain and to get caught up with everyone! We can do this!!
    2450 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Thank you for writing this. I really needed to read this. You've got this.
    2450 days ago
    Good for you. You will love Princess - did it last year.
    2451 days ago
    I want to do the Princess Half in February!!! I've been thinking about it. I'm not even close though. I'm just barely at their minimum pace of 16min/mile. I know I could get ready if I just put my mind to it, but I need to get over the mental block I seem to be in.
    2451 days ago
    Loved what you said " Trapped by my own inaction to change my reactions to all of it." but then you made the decision to change it. Great job!
    2452 days ago
    kick butt GF
    2452 days ago
  • FRECKS96
    Sounds like you're right on track with working through everything and you have a plan.

    A couple of years ago I felt trapped in a job I hated. I was also terrified of change and wondered how we would make it as a pretty new family of 3. One of the best days of my life was when that boss fired me. It forced me to make changes and start to find my own happiness.

    I just started getting back to basics too. Thank goodness for SP and the knowledge that we have gained over the course of our journeys. We can do this!
    2452 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2452 days ago
  • LAURIE5658
    Emily, you have a firm and VERY doable plan put together. You also have a vision that will help you take each step one at a time. This is where you need to start and I am very sure you will move forward once again.

    2452 days ago
    You can do it!

    Philippians 4:8 emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2452 days ago
    emoticon You figured it out and now emoticon emoticon
    2452 days ago
  • CHAS1949
    Yup, yup, yup!! Back to what you know works and avoid negatives....people or self talk. Just look at it with a bright outlook and it will once again be "normal" to you. Good luck!
    2452 days ago
  • CARRIE1948
    Go for it!
    2452 days ago
    Emily, maybe you can leverage the change at work to your advantage. Find the positive elements and remind those negative nellies that change is good. Automation is going to allow everyone time to spend on more important elements of the job (that's usually the case). Another thing you can do is jump in with both feet. Lead the change by learning the new system quicker. That way, you'll be able to train your co-workers. Even if there's not a lot of mobility where you work, being recognized as a subject matter expert and initiative taker will help the performance reviews. Your positive attitude of embracing the change is also bound to rub off on your co-workers.

    So good luck on taking charge of your life. Even though we can't control everything, there are usually ways to influence things to our advantage :)
    2452 days ago
    I too find myself affected by the outlook of those around me...be it positive or negative. I really try to bring positivity into the workplace everyday.

    You have come so far....what an inspiration.
    2452 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by EMILY1244