Thursday, June 02, 2011
I know...seems like a silly thought, one of those "Duh" things. But this is a new realization for me.
Last night I was sitting on the couch with my DH, watching a program and eating a Weight Watchers ice cream bar, when I suddenly realized I WAS ENJOYING THE ICE CREAM WITHOUT ONE BIT OF GUILT! I had to stop for a few seconds, to get past the shock of that...
I am 51 years old, and have only been overweight for the past seven years. Before that, for 44 years, I could eat whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. I loved food! I loved cooking food!
But as I got heavier, I enjoyed food less. I realize now that it was because I felt guilty about eating, which caused me to feel ashamed because I was eating what I considered to be too much food. I'd mentally beat myself up, eat very little for a short while, and then fail to keep that up and the cycle of guilt and shame continued.
I was also in a religious group that abuses it's members emotionally and spiritually. I was constantly criticized and put down, and in response to that I would eat more to ease the pain.
The result is that I now associate food with guilt, shame, and pain.
That is why I was shocked when I realized last night that I was enjoying that ice cream. And when I was done with it, I didn't crave more. I did NOT go to the freezer and grab another one!
Even though this is only Day 5 for me, I have been tempted to fall off the wagon, even a little bit. But because I feel good physically, I am able to talk myself out of those temptations. I have been reading some of the motivational blogs and they help. Thanks everyone!