Wow, what a month May was. Full of ups and downs, mainly downs, but I survived and I am so happy that June is finally here!!!
I was super sick last week, and then when I finally got my appetite back, I also got my period again. Nice! I spent 3 days over Friday, Saturday, and Sunday eating too much food. It sure didn't help that I went to a family gathering and a graduation party hungry and with no plans on eating well.
Then, yesterday and the day before I felt horrible. Yes, I had been eating unhealthy, but my stomach was feeling like when I was sick but with a horrible pain that doubled me over. Yesterday was the day I faced the music about my eating and my weight, and my husband and I vowed to eat better and be more active again.
I had a good cereal, which I couldn't eat half of because my stomach hurt SO much. I cut up some watermelon for a snack when I finally got my appetite back 4 hours later, and each time I ate a piece of watermelon my stomach ached in a deep burning pain. I couldn't eat again until dinner when I finally felt hungry again, which was around 6:30. It didn't hurt too much, but the pain was still there.
Earlier yesterday, I did go in, and they feel that my stomach flu last week wasn't the flu but a flare-up of a peptic ulcer that I may have. They had me do the breath test for H. pylori, a bacteria that causes ulcers.
I am so hoping that this is something that can be healed soon. I am so, so tired and I am so unhappy. I have not felt like myself for about 2 weeks now, and I hate it. I have felt defeated and weak. So tired, and no amount of sleep can make me feel rested. I haven't been to the gym since this all happened, because the thought of my stomach being jiggled around makes me wanna throw up.
Also, between being sick and getting down to 154 after being seriously dehydrate during all that, and now after eating so much/so bad and now being up to 164 again where I originally was before this started, I am feeling again very defeated. I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel and I know I can lose these 4 pounds, but I know physically I have a lot of work to do. I feel like I have lost a lot of muscle mass. I haven't run in a LONG time. I am running today with my husband in a couch to 5k interval for National Running Day, which is exciting to me, and I hope my stomach can handle it.
I know I need to just track my food, but it has been so hard to do that when my eating habits have been so dictated by my stomach. And when it is finally feeling good, I feel SO ravenous and like I have a hollow leg that the food just drops through.
I am thinking about signing up for a half either in August or September, maybe October so I have that as a fitness goal, but a part of me is nervous about doing that since I still feel dejected about the last race that I couldn't run because of what seemed like 100 excuses. I feel like a fraud wearing that shirt because I didn't run it. But, I wanted SOMETHING for the $100 I spent.
I guess I am having a lot of negative thoughts this morning. Could be in part, too, because my little girl woke up early on my morning to get up with her, I slammed my thumb in the door, and my stomach just feels pitchy.
I just want to feel like myself again....