Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Here it is 3:43am and I'm wide awake with an aching stomach and a niggling fear in the back of my mind. It's probably nothing, but I don't usually wake up at any hour with a stomach ache. I remember that in the last few hours I've been feeling an overall sense of unhappiness and wishing I could find that ellusive Shangrela that I've been chasing my entire life and now I'm wondering why chase something that probably doesn't exist? So is that defeatism or a final awareness check for the positive.
I think it is the later so I'm making myself a promise. Starting right this minute, I am going to lose 8 pounds this month. Why 8 pounds instead of 5 or 10? Because 8 is in the middle of I know I can do it and I'm not sure I can do it. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. There is the problem. Its more of a I know I can't do it than I don't think I can do it and I don't want to push it, but I'm wondering why not push it? Why not try? If I fail, what is going to happen? Depression, giving up? No way! I'm not giving up and I refuse to allow depression to take me back - I've been there! Nasty place I would not recommend for anyone.
So now my stomach ache is gone and I'm thinking about putting something healthy in there. I am not a breakfast lover, never have been, but I eat it because I've learned it's the smarter/healthier way to run my life. But acknowledging that leaves me with the decision of what to have. I'm at that place in the road where I know I'm changing from what do I want and what is healthy. The first action I need to take is to go find out what's in the cupboards and refrigerator. I'm not one to know what's out there. I don't really care what's out there as my DH is the shopper and he's very good at it. I usually take it from the bags and shove it in the right place and forget about it so then when it's time to make a meal plan, I'm in the kitchen rummaging.
Meal planning is not something I have learned to do well yet, so I can still let it go and then work on the spur of the moment but I have improved from taking the forzen chicken out of the freezer 15 minutes before I want it on the table. Now I get it out in the morning and it's thawed by the time I want to cook it, but I know there is still a better way to do it so I need to stretch myself to learn more and work on it continually.
So I'm changing my attitude, again, maybe I should do it everyday, because not changing it is not getting me where I want to be. I'm going to get there and I'm tired of waiting for some little magic fairy to zing by and wave her wand. She has missed me so many times and I'm not waiting any more.
So my wish for all is; chase your dreams - the ones that are realistic and healthy and reach those goals as soon as healthy allows. Tomorrow would be great, next month will be good, next year is not an option!
Keep Sparkling my Friends!