Back, and better than ever.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I decided that, instead of back-pedalling, I'd start a shiny-new Sparkpage. In the last several months, things got complicated and very mucky in my life, and I'd rather leave that stuff behind, start clean and new. I could re-start all my tickers and trackers, but why back-pedal when it's so easy to start over?
This has become something that is truly important to me. I think that it's because I'm not doing it for anyone else anymore. And I mean *any*one else. I'm not going to lose for aesthetic reasons, purely health reasons. I want to increase my quality of life, and I know that losing will help me do that. This has come to me in the last 10 days or so, because I had a tonsillectomy.
I never thought that having two little balls of flesh removed from my throat would so change my outlooks on things. I'm realizing, though, that I have to look at the fat like my tonsils: ineffective/hindering flesh that needs to be removed. Now, I'm not saying I'm going the drastic route. In fact, I'm doing quite the opposite. Here is my ultimate goal:
I will lose 100 pounds by January 8, 2014. That is my 25th birthday. I figure, I've gone 22 years this (relatively) big, so I can wait a couple more years to get to my goal weight/fitness level. I think that doing it over such a long period will make it easier for me, in the long run, to keep it off and stay healthy. I've come to realize in the last week that there are a few things I've continuously lied to myself about for...I don't know...years?
1) I can live comfortably eating small meals.
2) People will not be mad at me if I'm not finished eating when they are
3) Eating alone isn't so bad
4) Water feels really good as a beverage
5) Water *tastes* good.
In the last week, I've lost about 12 pounds, having absolutely NO physical activity. I've drank (almost) entirely water because flavored/colored stuff burns my surgical site. When I eat, I eat very slowly because I have to chew everything into mush. Not only does this make food less enjoyable, it gets boring really fast. I've realized, though, that I never really got hungry in the first few days, and now 10 days later I feel hungry but I seem to fill up fast. This is an AWESOME realization. I also had an epiphany today, that living alone (which begins Sunday) is going to be great for me. I won't have anyone to enable me, and I'll have to do the grocery shopping myself. I would get so angry at myself, all the time, if I had to open my cabinets and find wasted money in there. I mean, what is eating for, besides sustaining yourself? I could sustain myself on ice cream and mac 'n' cheese if I *had* to, but who the hell would choose to? Therefore, what's the point in buying it in the first place? If I really want ice cream, I'll have a protein shake, or eat a protein-dense meal and have an ice pop. I know that for me, it's usually the act of eating something cold and creamy that makes me want ice cream. (that was a rant--sorry)
Anyway, you might wonder why I set my goal for so far away? People on Spark have lost 100 pounds in one year before. Why give myself 2-1/2? Isn't that just more time to fall off the wagon?
Well, like I said before, I've been like this forever, so driving myself crazy to meet a goal that I think is too close is just going to be distructive. I know I can do this in 2-1/2 years, and I can do it leisurely. I think I'm far more likely to keep the weight off later if I've been doing it for a long time before reaching my goal. For me, the next year is going to be about consistency. I'm not even going to worry about strict calorie-counting until June 1, 2012. Here's why: I've already shown myself that I can eat small meals and healthy food. I know the difference in feeling when my stomach *needs* something, rather than when my brain craves something and tells my stomach to need it. I never need ice cream. I often need chicken (or any other protein source). If I need another piece of chicken, I'll eat it. If I need an ice cream cone, I'll get an ice pop or drink a bottle of water or go for a long walk to somewhere that I can get ice cream. And I'll take the dog, so I can't take the bus back.
Anyway, consistency. I want to consistently be off cigarettes, drinking water, eating healthily, and exercising/being active before I throw anything restrictive into the mix. I don't want to worry about eating a huge salad if I want a huge salad. I don't want to worry about taking measuring spoons to a restaraunt if I'm not comfortable even finding healthy options yet. I don't want to have a "real" workout plan when I'm not even used to working out. Here's why this is so important: I tend to over-do things, every time I start something new. Instead of jumping for the stars, I'm going to plant a seed. When I have a flush vegetation next year, I'll start farming. For now, being back and being willing is enough for me.
Here's to new beginnings!