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    LMULLINS4LIFE   51,575
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I Need Something...

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I need something. And I keep saying I don't know what I need, but I do know. Deep down. I need to learn how to love myself and not desperately grasp for that love from other people.

Ever since I went on vacation, my health goals took a serious nosedive. I tried to "get back in the game" for awhile there, but then things went south with my personal/family relationships and, quite frankly, I gave up on myself. I just didn't care.

I'm beginning to emerge from that drama (a LITTLE) and I have had quite a bit of self-discovery time to realize that I have a problem (in looking for love in all the wrong places...when I really need to figure out how to find it in myself). And sabotaging myself by letting myself go is only going to make matters worse. Still, in this place of utter depression and searching, it's hard to find the motivation to work hard and be a better me. It seems so much easier to just give up and lose hope.

I don't mean to be emo or over-dramatic. It's just the place I'm in right now. I want to get back to health...because I KNOW how much better I feel when I'm on top of my game. And I HOPE that I can do it. I just lack the faith in myself right now.

Well, here's to hoping. I guess a blog entry (for the first time in weeks) is a decent start.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BAMBIBUNNY 6/5/2011 12:34AM

    i'm glad you made it back emoticon

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LAKELVR24_7 6/4/2011 1:59PM

  You have realized that you have to find love in yourself before you can truly be happy. Keep coming out of the funk and will continue on your journey. We all have set backs but you can do this. Just keep sight of the 3 beautiful kids and your reasons for changing your lifestyle. We have to lean on each other through this. Take care, do something for yourself and claim small victories where you can! emoticon emoticon

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GGNEWCOMB 6/1/2011 1:10AM

  We can be here for each other! Getting back on the bandwagon together! Listen, it is what it is... we can continue to do the same or we can choose to do at least ONE small change each day.. one choice at a time, one day at a time. emoticon emoticon

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MARVEEME 5/31/2011 4:43PM

    Hey! Check this out!

R>Capture that fire, and run with it. Your motivation is deep within you. It may feel like lack of external reinforcement, but most often, it is INTERNAL peace. You get your butt into the bathroom, look that girl in the mirror, and SMILE when you tell her SHE IS BEAUTIFUL! No one can take YOU from YOU without your permission. So do whatever it takes (15 minutes in the attic on a hot day followed by a shower works exactly the same as a sauna, you know) to flip that switch back on and be the woman you want to be. Love arrives when you least expect it, and when you're not even looking, so just try to live a little, willya?
emoticon emoticon

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ILSAWING 5/31/2011 2:11PM

    Don't give up. I too suffer from depression. Do your best to do something for you today, a walk, a bubble bath, or BOTH. Do things that boost YOU. Listen to your fave music while in the bubble bath. The little stuff adds up.
Something I like to do is listen to the Bible on disc while chillin. Or Frank Sinatra while in the tub. Oh, and I love pedicures. Do your thing and tell yourself you're worth it.


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