Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I need something. And I keep saying I don't know what I need, but I do know. Deep down. I need to learn how to love myself and not desperately grasp for that love from other people.
Ever since I went on vacation, my health goals took a serious nosedive. I tried to "get back in the game" for awhile there, but then things went south with my personal/family relationships and, quite frankly, I gave up on myself. I just didn't care.
I'm beginning to emerge from that drama (a LITTLE) and I have had quite a bit of self-discovery time to realize that I have a problem (in looking for love in all the wrong places...when I really need to figure out how to find it in myself). And sabotaging myself by letting myself go is only going to make matters worse. Still, in this place of utter depression and searching, it's hard to find the motivation to work hard and be a better me. It seems so much easier to just give up and lose hope.
I don't mean to be emo or over-dramatic. It's just the place I'm in right now. I want to get back to health...because I KNOW how much better I feel when I'm on top of my game. And I HOPE that I can do it. I just lack the faith in myself right now.
Well, here's to hoping. I guess a blog entry (for the first time in weeks) is a decent start.