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    KELLCAN   1,997
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A new chapter

Monday, May 30, 2011

I have been away for almost a year now. I'm still away from home. So much has changed while I've been away. My marriage has fallen apart, I have a new dog to worry about, the house, car, bills, I don't know if I'm going to be greeted with divorce papers, and I'm in the process of changing careers.
In the face of all of this, plus I am finishing a course and still am being assessed and have licensing to do, all I can do is what I have to.
I know that sounds maybe vague. But, there are so many things so far out of my control, and there are so many things that I have to do. Every day is really one step, one task, one day at a time. As often as worrisome thoughts come into my head, I need to focus on the task at hand.
The most difficult task, has proven to be taking care of me. Everything is so up in the air, I know that in the not too distant future I will have to be alone and face myself. I'm not sure how to productively use my down time. I don't really know myself, I'm not really comfortable being alone with me. I've been with myself for 30 years but am horribly uncomfortable alone. Interesting isn't it?
Also interesting, is that when the chips are down, or I feel I need support and inspiration I can always count of sparkpeople to be here. What a wonderful community! I'm looking forward to visiting more often during my quest to get to know myself.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BET212 5/30/2011 4:23PM

    I'm sorry you are having such a stressful time. emoticon

You are right in that you can only do what you can do. Take it one day at a time. It might be hard to see it right now, but this time can also be a time for reflection, healing, and growth.

In my 20s and 30s I had periods of 'singleness' when I wasn't in a relationship with a man. I'm not saying it was easy but there were times that it helped me to focus on me and my issues instead of on the other person.

If you don't want as much alone time, that's when joining groups can help. Preferably groups that have similar interest as you or maybe some hobby or activity you've always wanted to learn or practice. Online groups are great, too but meeting others and sharing experiences off-line can be helpful during a stressful time.

That being said, if you are 'horribly uncomfortable alone' this might be a good time to start to deal with that. It is hard to love others in a healthy way if you don't love yourself first.

Counseling, 12 Step groups, and supportive friends can all be helpful. Al Anon is for family and friends of Alcoholics but it is a good group for anyone trying to be in healthy relationship with others or themselves.

You deserve to be happy and to take care of yourself. emoticon

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TPELL21 5/30/2011 10:27AM

    Good luck on your quest. We are always here for you.

Take care, do what you can, be the best person you can be.

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