Can I be Strong?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
I made a decision last week to be the strong one. There was a death recently, and I debated about adding the mother as a friend on Facebook. I did and sent her a message telling her my story and telling her that if she wanted to she could add me and I would be willing to chat with her anytime.
I lost a child over 15 years ago to SIDS. The first years were me trying to deal with it, I then decided to start seeing a social worker and she put me in touch with other parents who went through it. Being I was living in a small community, they were cousins, older than me, most had kids my age. And they helped me feel not so crazy.
But I moved, but to the city (where my child had died) and called up the woman who sat with us at the hospital. She was the head of the local "Compassionate Friends" group and she found us a ride to the meeting and had another couple come who lost a child to SIDS. But all the people in this group have lost a child to other means too. And they all helped me out, everything I felt they had gone through too.
So just last week, I seen this now bereaved parent posting on a mutual friend's wall and I started shaking, I clicked add as a friend, and wrote her a message. She set me a message back and said she would gladly add me, and we have exchanged 3 messages. I told her the truth, about the fears, the questions and most of all, to let "the comments" roll off her back. The comments I am talking about are "I hurt just as much you are", "I know how you are feeling" and the explaining why a child dies. I told her that last comment to this day still hurt me. Although her experience is different from mine in that she lost a child that was too pre-mature, and my child was almost 6 months old, it still hurts the same way. She told me I have answered many of her questions already, even the un-asked one of being a parent.
I have been using the pent up energy from this bringing back painful memories to exercise. On nights I am really down I not only do my DVD but I get on the elliptical trainer and just run until I can run no more. Which has help me drop some more weight.
I feel I can be Strong.