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Realistic vs. Unrealistic Expectations

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Today I was dress shopping online. We're going to Vegas in August, and I am determined to find the hottest and cutest things to wow my husband with, and show off my new, smaller figure.

I know that there are going to be a lot of new things that come out between now and then clothes-wise, however I'm checking out my options as of now. I'm just so excited!

One place I like to order from is bebe. I wear a Large in bebe, or at least I did before the weight loss. The Large was a little snug, I had to wear certain undergarments to keep it in, and my husband had to zip it up. I looked great, however relied on spandex in the fabric to make it happen.

While never admitting it even to myself, my measurements put me somewhere between a 12 and 14 on a size chart. Bebe goes up to a 12, which would explain the drama in trying to fit into one of their dresses.

I was just wondering what size I'd wear now in bebe, so I got out my latest purchase, a beautiful red satin+spandex blend dress, and tried it on. Well, if there was ever any doubt that I've lost weight, it is gone now. The bust section looked like a little girl trying on her mom's clothes (good bye girls, nice knowing ya I guess!).

I think I'm now wearing an 8 or 10 in bebe, and they run small. I wear an 8 in "real life" now. It doesn't feel like it. I don't see myself as thinner.

I've only lost 18 lbs; I didn't have all that much to lose in the first place thankfully, and I have 12 lbs remaining of my original goal, which is 130. If I get there and it looks like I could stand to lose a few more pounds then I will.

I expect that I'll have a few bumps of "extra", especially in the mid section. That's just genetic for me and I have to live with it. What's unrealistic for me is the idea that I'd ever have to get rid of Spanx. Even if I'm a size 2 I'll still have a tummy to control.

What is a realistic weight loss for me to achieve before August 10? The weight loss calculator estimates that I'll hit 130 on August 10, just one day before the big Vegas trip and two days before my birthday. Already I'm over half way though. If I keep at this rate I'll hit goal in July. I'm ambitious. My goal is starting to look weak. I'm thinking that I can do "better".

But where does "better" end? If I hit my next goal, what's stopping me from going down and down and down? At my lowest adult weight I was 110 lbs. That was because I medically could not work, had no money, and the government thought I made too much based on the prior y ear's income tax returns to give me food stamps, resulting in me being a size 2. Never again!!!! I don't want to be that thin.

My body type isn't built for that either. I looked sickly (and was). What's realistic for me is no smaller than a 4. I should be happy when I reach my goal at 130, not grumpy about it and looking over to that greener grass on the other side. My figure is just this way. I have good muscle mass, used to have big breasts, and take care of myself. I want to be healthy and trim too.
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