Thursday, May 26, 2011
So, I already shared in my previous blog how bad the month of April was for me... well, sad to say that things have not improved. I had great intentions, but just was not able to get out of this rut...
Then I had a bit of a revelation... I believe that I am probably dealing with a true food addiction here. I've found myself binging on food, hiding food from others, hiding the amount of money I've spent on those binges, and even thinking to myself as I'm eating: "I'm not really hungry... why am I doing this to myself?" And yet, I just keep on eating until everything I've bought is gone!
It's gotten so bad, that I've already got huge gains again just since my last blog:
Weight: 11.8 lbs. GAINED
Body fat %: 1.88% GAINED
Upper arms: 0.75 in. GAINED
Chest: 1 in. GAINED
Waist: 1.75 in. GAINED
Hips: 2.25 in. GAINED
Thighs: 1 in. GAINED
Calves: 0.25 in. GAINED
So, yeah... obviously I've done alot more damage... and have even MORE work to do to get back to where I should be!
I'm hoping that I can find a little more support w/ this issue from OA (Overeaters Anonymous). I had an acquaintance give me some literature about them, and it was scary to discover that on the questionnaire they have for you to determine if you might have an issue w/ food addiction, I answered "yes" to 13 out of 15 questions. (if you answer "yes" to 3 or more, there's a reason for concern!) I'm not trying to use this as an excuse for my recent behavior... I just think that there's a little more going on than just an indulgent personality.
Don't take this blog the wrong way... I absolutely treasure all of the support and friendship I get from my Sparkpeople family... and I wouldn't give it up for the world! I'm not replacing SP w/ OA... I just think that maybe I need both right now.
I hope ya'll understand how difficult it is for me to write these blogs... especially considering the fact that I've been hiding my actions from everyone. To admit it to all of you is huge for me... but I feel like I have to start taking responsibility and accountability for these episodes. Even though I'm ashamed of what I've been doing, I feel "safe" sharing them w/ ya'll... and hopefully by doing so, I'm taking a step in the right direction.
As I proceed forward (hopefully in the "right" direction this time), I look forward to your continued support, and I hope that my journey can help others who either have the same issues that I do or who have their own variation of struggles!