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A Potential "A-HA" Moment...

Thursday, May 26, 2011

So, I already shared in my previous blog how bad the month of April was for me... well, sad to say that things have not improved. I had great intentions, but just was not able to get out of this rut...

Then I had a bit of a revelation... I believe that I am probably dealing with a true food addiction here. I've found myself binging on food, hiding food from others, hiding the amount of money I've spent on those binges, and even thinking to myself as I'm eating: "I'm not really hungry... why am I doing this to myself?" And yet, I just keep on eating until everything I've bought is gone!

It's gotten so bad, that I've already got huge gains again just since my last blog:

Weight: 11.8 lbs. GAINED

Body fat %: 1.88% GAINED

Upper arms: 0.75 in. GAINED

Chest: 1 in. GAINED

Waist: 1.75 in. GAINED

Hips: 2.25 in. GAINED

Thighs: 1 in. GAINED

Calves: 0.25 in. GAINED

So, yeah... obviously I've done alot more damage... and have even MORE work to do to get back to where I should be!

I'm hoping that I can find a little more support w/ this issue from OA (Overeaters Anonymous). I had an acquaintance give me some literature about them, and it was scary to discover that on the questionnaire they have for you to determine if you might have an issue w/ food addiction, I answered "yes" to 13 out of 15 questions. (if you answer "yes" to 3 or more, there's a reason for concern!) I'm not trying to use this as an excuse for my recent behavior... I just think that there's a little more going on than just an indulgent personality.

Don't take this blog the wrong way... I absolutely treasure all of the support and friendship I get from my Sparkpeople family... and I wouldn't give it up for the world! I'm not replacing SP w/ OA... I just think that maybe I need both right now.

I hope ya'll understand how difficult it is for me to write these blogs... especially considering the fact that I've been hiding my actions from everyone. To admit it to all of you is huge for me... but I feel like I have to start taking responsibility and accountability for these episodes. Even though I'm ashamed of what I've been doing, I feel "safe" sharing them w/ ya'll... and hopefully by doing so, I'm taking a step in the right direction.

As I proceed forward (hopefully in the "right" direction this time), I look forward to your continued support, and I hope that my journey can help others who either have the same issues that I do or who have their own variation of struggles!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    most of us are dealing with this kind of things , there's nothing to be ashamed of. or hide. did you figured out why you do it? it's a protection and reward mechanism but for what? I started to see results because I figured out what it was about and sort of resolved the problem. it wasn't so easy I admit and I'm not so stupid to believe it's over for ever but I want to be free from the pain(and the afferent weight) even if this means giving up everything I ever wished for in the 30 years. maybe a very close friend could help you find the problem if you don't trust yourself to do it alone.
    emoticon emoticon kori
    2452 days ago
    I totally understand where you are coming from. I was a food addict for years and years and years. I knew it. It's just one of those things that, you know when it's doesn't matter if others understand it, believe it, or get can tell that it is the case...because the hold food has over you...that's addiction. I am so thankful that SP broke me out of that cycle. Logging the food, eating in range, and connecting with SP friends has changed my relationship with food. It no longer controls me...I control it. SP really put me in control. I hope that you find freedom soon, too. Pursue it, and you will get it. I never gave up trying...and now I am free. Spark on! emoticon
    2452 days ago
    Wow Sonja I think there are a lot of us going through that right now. I am having a problem with weight gain as well. I am still trying to dsicover what it might be. I wish you the hest of luck and know you will do well with it.

    2458 days ago
  • JENNYD97
    A-HA is right I think you needed to face this in order to move on in the right direction! Good luck!
    Our church has an OA meeting once a week and I have heard from people that have attended that it is very helpful!
    2461 days ago
  • LAURIE9404
    I too would be interested in know how things work out at OA. It sounds like something very important and people who are fully equipped to handle that particular situation. Do what you need to do to face this problem that you are having and know that we are here for you! You are definitely not alone! emoticon
    2462 days ago
    emoticon I admire you for posting this. emoticon job. I too have struggled this week. I'll catch myself doing it, but haven't stopped myself. I did a touch better today. I do hope that OA and Spark can help get you back on track. Keep us posted on your progress. We'd love it if your shared any tips from OA with us! Some of us don't have those groups near us. Sounds like a good program.
    2462 days ago
    A-Ha indeed. Good for you! No shame at all in identifying and admitting an addiction. Makes perfect sense to use both sources.

    You know we're all rooting for you...especially great to see you posting your minutes/miles to the Daisies again. We've missed you!
    2462 days ago
    OA is a great program that can have great results.

    Did you find the survey online? I would be interestedin taking it myself.

    Its great that you are able to be honest. I applaud you for that.
    2462 days ago
    I'm so proud of you for being honest with yourself. I'm sure that was hard. I think the extra support is just what you need. Good luck! were all here for you. emoticon
    2462 days ago
    I'm so proud of you for being honest with yourself and sharing your challenges with us must have been really hard! Sounds to me like you can deal with it now. emoticon
    2463 days ago
    It's ok - sometimes we need to take a step back to reevaluate things and figure out the glitches so that we can correct them. You will get back on track I am positive you will and OA is a wonderful community. My aunt and mom swears by them so welcome your 2nd support family with open arms. Just know that this too shall pass! Good luck!
    2463 days ago
    2463 days ago
    I think I could have written this blog. I just keep asking myself, "What the heck is wrong with me???" Some days I not only feel as if I "fell off the wagon", but that I hate the whole blasted wagon! Good luck....I'm pulling for you. Let me know how it goes with OA, please?
    2463 days ago
    I too have been having problems. Evening eating is a big one. And it sure does not help when DH wants to eat another meal around 7 pm. With him it's because he does noteat breakfast especially on his treatments days. It's hard but we have to strive to be easier on ourselves and tougher on food.

    Know we will be here for you and as someone has already said admitting you have a problem is half the battle! Now let's go fight the war!
    2463 days ago
    I, too, have really been struggling. Like you, I've had great intentinos, good starts to a day, and then things fall apart. I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully we will both get back on track.
    2463 days ago
    *hugs* My friend who introduced me to SparkPeople is a member of OA. She's using both in tandem right now, and it's really helping her. Hopefully you can find some great OA meetings near you (I hear they also have call-in phone/conference call meetings available as well) and can get some help that way. You know what they say - admitting you have a problem is half the battle!

    I KNOW you can fight through this, and you're entire SparkFamily is 100% behind you! Keep us informed as to your progress, and I'm so glad you're getting the help you need to get into a better place!

    2463 days ago
    One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, every good choice you make is a fresh start!! You can do this Chickie!! emoticon emoticon
    2463 days ago
    I too am a food addict. There is no reason for me to go into all the ways that we are similar. I have not done Overeaters Anonymous. Here are a few things that have "helped" me. There is no "cure" or "solution." If you feel like you are binging, just say the word, "STOP." Take a some deep breaths. Ask yourself, "Why?" Ask yourself, "Are you hungry for food or something else?" Lately, I have my binges are caused by boredom or being over tired and not wanting to go to bed.

    Here is something else I read on here that is helping (very simple concept but I have had several duh moments over my life): One piece of pizza has less calories than a whole pizza. Two pieces of cake has less calories than a whole cake.

    So, my weight loss has been real slow. There are times I gain. However, I am getting control of my eating (at least most of the time). Each time I don't binge I feel like I am winning the war a battle at a time. For example, the other day I was offered a Hershey's kiss. Not many calories there, right? But I knew it would set me off on a chocolate craze that day so I said, "No thank you. If I eat just one I will be stopping at the grocery store for a whole bag and will eat the whole thing. I love some chocolae."

    Slowly over time if we pay attention to our body and our thoughts this will get easier.

    Hang in there. Lola
    2463 days ago
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