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Sometimes I Can Only Make Short Term Plans

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

As some of you may know, I have been dealing with some depression. One of the issues that has been bothering me was my hubby's weight.

Yesterday was my 24th Wedding Anniversary. I spent our 20th Anniversary in the ICU, wondering if he was going to live. A few days later he had a 6-bypass done. It is a blessing that he is alive. Since then he lost about 30 pounds and then started putting the pounds back on until he was almost 50 pounds heavier than he was when he had the surgery.

I explained to DH that it is difficult to make plans, knowing that in 3-5 years I would be a widow. I also told him I couldn't be in charge of his diet and I didn't want the job of Diet Police. He said he didn't realize he was adding to the stress in my life and talked to his doctor.

Right now we are both on a rather restrictive low-carb diet, and the pounds are beginning to move again. Now I just have to keep moving forward for myself, even if he decides to quit again.

My next assignment is to make some short term goals. I can do this if I just keep moving forward and not let fear paralyze me where I am.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRYJVP 6/2/2011 7:10PM

    Bless you. I am glad that you are both back on the right track. now he knows how much you care. Get him to spark...(we will keep him on track LOL)

Hang in there. I can't imagine how hard this is. Don't forget we are here for you.

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ELEGANTFLOWERS 5/27/2011 9:07AM

    It is real hard when you are trying to make healthy decisions and your hubby is not. I'm glad you put your health first. I have found by eating healthy and cooking healthy my family is becoming healthy to. I just cook the healthy meals they like. When my hubby went to the doctor he had lost weight. It was because of the food I buy and what I cook for meals. So maybe by focusing on you, he will receive the benefits too. emoticon

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KALISWALKER 5/26/2011 5:38PM

    During the counselling session I had about weight loss, we discussed how the spouse affects weight loss and how to deal with it. Telling my hubby about how is behaviors impact me and how I am going to deal with it helped me a lot. You did the right thing talking to your hubby.

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LEE-2013 5/26/2011 8:50AM

    I wish you both the best. This is a very hard road isn't it? The motivation to change must come from within and you have provided the hard, but truthful facts to trigger that. I have a similar issue but have kept quiet -- my DH motivation was sparked about a month ago due to a surgical procedure he needs and can't have right now due to his weight. He is now very serious and, of course, losing much faster than I am! Like you, I hope and pray that he sticks with it! It certainlly has made my own program much easier.

emoticon

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HICIM705 5/26/2011 7:10AM

    Glad that both you and DH are moving in the right direction. I understand what you are saying - my DH doesn't treat himself 'well' either - and I've had the conversation with him also - at least yours listens. I keep after mine - ... I'll keep trying - but sometimes you have to take of YOU in order to help someone else, you know what I mean?

Glad that you are getting in the correct 'mind set' to move forward - hopefully, DH will follow your lead.


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ANATASHIKI 5/26/2011 2:21AM

    trying to do it for you is good enough until he starts to want it for him . but i think you should find a food plan with things that you both like and are allowed so you can stick to it for life.

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ELASTI-GIRL 5/25/2011 11:08PM

    Wow, what a tough one. The impact of his weight on your life can't be ignored. This is the bizarre challenge of weight-loss, how we can be contributing to our own harm and yet not be able to stop. I agree that it's great you talked to him. I hope you don't feel guilty or enabling because of your own choices. Food issues are complex. Honest communication is a great way to find healthier ways to cope. I wish you and dh the very best of many years together.

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FUNKY5RED 5/25/2011 10:16PM

    It is so good that you talked with your DH and shared your feelings and thoughts. You seem to be clear in your understanding of the situation and what you are willing to do. Hang in there. Keep taking care of yourself. Maybe that will also be a good example for him.

emoticon

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BABYTUXXY 5/25/2011 8:28PM

    I hope your hubby decides to take care of himself, cause you can't do it for him!

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PEGTIGER 5/25/2011 7:56PM

    Glad you are getting your diet back on track and plan to continue with it even if DH does not.

Happy Anniversary! emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 5/25/2011 6:38PM

    I hear ya! I'm glad he's taking action.

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NHGRL68 5/25/2011 3:52PM

    I know how you feel. My DH is overweight too and it scares the heck out of me. He keeps saying he wants to lose weight but quits eventually and goes back to his old ways. I feel like I have to be the strong one, and yet I'm struggling myself:-( Maybe if we do just focus on ourselves and getting ourselves healthy, they will want to do it too eventually. emoticon emoticon

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SUNNYARIZONA 5/25/2011 3:43PM

    Amazing your hubbie realized how his lack of caring for himself was really taking a toll on you. GREAT Dr. to help you both. I do pray you both will stay on a healthy journey! My Uncle had all the bypasses he could, and lived with an AAAnuerysm. He died from the Aneurysm at 82. So it CAN be done .
This man had also been a smoker, and had lung disease, did NOT need oxygen!

Comment edited on: 5/25/2011 3:45:04 PM

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GEMINISUE 5/25/2011 3:39PM

    If he won't help himself, and he won't accept your health, buy plenty of life insurance, for him and find peace with the idea, time together will be short.

I don't mean to sound cold, I'm not, but with economy the way it is, one has to look out for themselves, if others don't feel able to do it.

Hugs
Linda

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MELLIL 5/25/2011 3:32PM

    I'm going through a similar situation with my husband. Only it's blood pressure. His numbers are VERY high and he will NOT see a doctor. Period. END of conversation. He thinks because he eats what I eat for dinner and MY numbers dropped drastically, that his numbers will too. He does not take into consideration that he drinks, he smokes, he doesn't exercise, and he has sleep apnea. (he won't see a sleep specialist either - so no CPAP for him!) And he ONLY eats dinner at home. I'm not monitoring his breakfast or lunch. I constantly feel like I'm going to wake up to find he's had a heart attack -- and who knows? The first one MIGHT kill him. He will not listen to reason... he is DEATHLY (obviously) afraid of doctors. I feel like all I can do is pray. God has always looked out for me... and I know He always will. But I wish my HUSBAND would look out for US too!

Let's just thank God that your hubby IS doing what he needs to do now... and pray that it lasts!

Comment edited on: 5/25/2011 3:33:54 PM

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ELLEYKAT 5/25/2011 2:38PM

    Hang in there, you CAN do this! That's great that you're both moving in the right direction, and he obviously loves you very much if he's willing to work on himself to help lower some of the stress in your life. =)

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EYES_ON_THEPRAZ 5/25/2011 2:12PM

    You can do it... don't be fearful or waste all of your todays.
emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/25/2011 1:32PM

    You may have just saved his life. Bless you for calling up the courage to motivate him into action.

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CRELLA 5/25/2011 12:09PM

    One step at a time will get you where you want to be in the long run. Good luck with your diet and your hubby. Sending good thoughts your way!

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CANDOK1260 5/25/2011 11:05AM

    i UNDERSTAND i TAKE COOK FOR MY 85 YEARS OLD MOM AND SHE BORDERLINE DIABETIC. i MAKE SURE HER MAIN MEAL ARE GOOD FOR HER BUT THEN FIND WHILE i WAS AT WORK SHE ATE 4 COOKIE , A ICE CREAM AND A PIECE OF PIE. wE CAN ONLY TRULY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES GOOD LUCK.

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TWNOMWE 5/25/2011 9:36AM

    It is very hard to watch some one you love and know that they have it in them to take care of themselves but do not do it. I am in the same situation but for me it is my daughter and it hurts because, as a parent I tend to blame myself, question my self,is there something I did do to this child that made her this way. She started gaining weight in her early 20's and then was diagnosed with depression. I have tried very hard to teach her to use diet to compliment her medicine to manage her weight but she will not listen, she is gaining at a steady rate.
We can only change our behaviour and may be those around us will see our actions and copy us. So by being positive and taking care of yourself and letting actions speak loud than words will help you hubby see what he needs to do if he wants to be around for along time.
So you are brave and take care of yourself. Keep up the great work and it will eventually pay off. emoticon emoticon

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AZURELITE 5/25/2011 9:21AM

    It would be hard to speak to your DH about his weight. Good for you for doing this, and good for him for doing something about it. All the best to both of you in your journey to health.

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RUFFIT 5/25/2011 9:09AM

    Good for you!! You can and will do it. Take care of yourself, Moni emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MADAMES 5/25/2011 6:08AM

    It is hard to watch a loved one make the wrong choices...I can totally relate to that in my own family. I remember my Weight Watcher leader saying that she had an overweight husband who finally decided (on his own) to begin take care of himself. She had to back off and not try to influence him with her words, and eventually he began to take charge of his own health.

emoticon

Evelyn

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SPARKCHANTAL 5/25/2011 4:47AM

    go babe, do it.

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MIZZSB 5/25/2011 4:46AM

    sorry to hear it gives you that much stress..
like sunshine says , be positive to each other ...

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DRB13_1 5/25/2011 1:04AM

    Empower both of you - I take cooking classes to gain confidence on making healthy dishes that won't bore me to tears. Making meals together will go a long way in helping you BOTH reach your goals without either of you having to "police" the other...and it will be a bonding experience as well. Take control and keep following your plan if it is working. Good luck, all the best, and happy anniversary!

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BLUESKY104 5/25/2011 12:14AM

    emoticon Short term goals when added up get you to where you want to go emoticon

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GETREAL01 5/25/2011 12:03AM

  I can only imagine how you are feeling. My husband has high cholesterol and it constantly goes up, he diets, it goes down, he gives up, it goes up and up and down etc. I get worried sometimes because he complains of arm pain and I know these are symptoms of a heart attack. No matter what I try it's a yo-yo thing with him. He wants to lose weight but does not want to put the work or effort to take better care of himself permanently. It worries me but I no longer show it to him. When he starts with his nonsense of eating whatever he wants and then complaining to me that he no longer feels well, I tell him "You know what you have to do, and if you don't want to do it, it's up to you just please, if you want to take your own life, buy a good life insurance to protect the children and me financially." That usually snaps him back into taking care of himself but it's a yo-yo over and over. As for you, move forward sweetheart. Be there when he asks for your support but it's like the saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". He has to want it bad enough for himself that he decides to not only take 1 step but keep moving forward for himself. I hope things work out for you guys for the better.

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MISSYGEEN 5/25/2011 12:02AM

    Short term goals may be the best way to go at this point. it breaks it down in chunks that feel more realistic and given your feelings at this time reaching short goals my be a good way to keep you motivated and less overwhelmed. Be sure to document your progress, this will also motivate you and turn your blues around. Good Luck!

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KELLYJOSUNSHINE 5/24/2011 11:59PM

    Your husband sounds really wonderful, just like you describe him on your main page, to have acknowledged that his health concerns are causing you stress and going to the doctor about it!

I sure do understand the worry and frustration. My own DH fully supports my recent efforts to improve my health, but he is not on a similar path. I'd love for us to be changing and growing (actually shrinking) together, but I don't see it happening any time soon.

I wish you and your DH the best as you travel this journey together! Many hugs to you!

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JUNEAU2010 5/24/2011 11:59PM

    I am applauding you! Not being flippant. I know how hard this is.

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SUNSHINE99999 5/24/2011 11:49PM

  Cheer each other on. You don't have to be the others critic so celebrate the victories..

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