First let me say what I seem to say constantly, but just plain can't help it: my fellow Sparkers are a wonderful, amazing blessing, and it has been such an honor to know so many real, honest, inspiring and beautiful ladies. I believe I could do this if Spark ceased to exist, but I am so glad I don't have to do this without you all!
About 3 weeks ago, I hit a wall of physical and mental fatigue that knocked me on my, well, backside shall we say. I tried to push through it for a few days, when my DH suggested I take a week off fitness to give my body a rest. It worked in terms of the scale, but suddenly I found all the stinkin' thinkin' literally flooding back. My vision for what I could accomplish and what I could do seemingly vanished. I've felt scared, alone, defeated. I felt like giving up on myself. It has felt like the 42 pounds of weight loss that I have accomplished never happened.
So now what? I have fallen on my face and had more failings in the last three weeks than I have had in the last four months. Which road will I take?
Let me just say that I am taking the hard road. I am grateful for this fall. I need help. I am flawed and sinful and weak. It is a wonderful place to admit that I am not there yet, that I am becoming. So I freely and humbly admit!
I would have loved to have never hit a snag, never to have stumbled as I have seen some amazing ladies and gentlemen on this site do. But this is my journey, not any one else's. We do not need to compare ourselves to each other. I let some really destructive habits become entrenched over a really long period of time. I don't know how many times I will fall face down in the muck, but each time I do, it will make me stronger if I choose not to quit. And I choose not to quit. I am worth fighting for and I am willing to dig deep, and do this, no matter what it takes.
No one gave me a promise that this would be easy when I started. I embrace the fact that I will be challenged and find strengths I didn't know I had. I accept my failings as well as my victories. The successful person is the one who gets up, and I am determined to get up again and again.
So it is back to basics for me. One day at a time, one meal at time, one healthy choice at a time. Grace and honesty; forgiveness and accountability. Track everything. Move and sweat. Challenge myself while accepting my limitations. No excuses and no perfection.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. I rounded a bend and fell into a thorn bush. I'm a little scratched up, but I'm standing again. I never left the race, just had some rough going. I know I can do this and believe this is worth doing because I have value. To my Saviour, Jesus, to my husband,my children, my family, my friends and to MYSELF.
So I feel like I am just entering Phase 2 of my journey. How many phases will I go through. I'll let you know when I am done!!!