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    RAYLINSTEPHENS   237,667
200,000-249,999 SparkPoints

Yesterday I put my father first.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I am feeling blessed today to be able to be here for my dad as he walks his last journey.

I put my program first when he went onto dialysis and my DH had knee replacement surgery.

I put my program first regardless of life's obstacles put in my path.

Yesterday I put my dad ahead of my program as I try to assist him on his last journey and will take comfort in what feels right, but keep tracking it. Life must go on for us and getting back on track will also give me purpose back in my life when I am left with only the memories.

But for today and the rest of my father's last journey, I will put his needs ahead of my program - he certainly put my needs ahead of his more often than I will ever know.

My dad is not perfect and never was. My dad is human and was the best parent he was able to be - he was raised without a father so everything he did he learned "on the fly."

I didn't always love him ( I have never met a child who didn't hate a parent at some point in life and growing up ) but he has always been my father. One of my "opinions" of him changed when he stopped at the grocery on his way home to purchase "personal items" for me. I was still embarrassed to purchase "personal items" and this man just went in and bought them like it was a quart of milk. Some of life's memories are priceless.

Thank you for being here for me - I hope that by sharing what I am going through right now, maybe someone out there in Spark-Land will find comfort to do whatever needs doing today.

I always hoped I could do whatever needed doing - today I learned that I don't have to hope anymore, today I learned that I can. I can. I can do whatever needs doing today.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LYNNE311 5/28/2011 3:03PM

    "My dad is not perfect and never was. My dad is human and was the best parent he was able to be - he was raised without a father so everything he did he learned 'on the fly.' "

I could have written these same sentences about my father. Forgiveness and understanding sets us free from those past hurts. I'm glad you have arrived at this place in your heart, it makes saying goodbye less painful. My prayers are with you.

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GOIN4GR8 5/26/2011 10:37PM

    "My dad is not perfect and never was. My dad is human and was the best parent he was able to be. ... I didn't always love him ..." -- yes, yes, and yes.

But yet we DID and DO love them. They are our Daddies, and that's a priceless gift.


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LESLIES537 5/26/2011 9:44AM

    You are so strong. God bless your heart! emoticon

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DOTTIEJANE1 5/24/2011 7:14PM

    I am glad that you are spending time with your Dad,and you can get back on track. SO much is happening with your Dad the you need to take the time.This is a hard journey for you and your Dad, bust your presents is so important to you and your dad. Hugs and prayes for both of you. Dottie

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    You won't regret your decision. Enjoy the time you have and make the most of it. emoticon

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LYNNOTT 5/24/2011 3:39PM

    I'm glad you have this opportunity to spend with your father. It's something that you'll remember and cherish. My thoughts are with you, dad and family.

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SUSIEPH1 5/24/2011 3:05PM

    Enjoy your time with your Father Linda,
All parents and children make mistakes ..Sometimes it was the way they themselves were bought up and others, especially our generation had war damage and couldn't cope they turned to anger and rejection..
There is always a reason, it took me a long time to realise this ...
My father was a very cruel and really negative man ...
my Sister and I were not his favorite people .. but we survived ..
and now I think back and realise that he must have had some sort of war damage ...
So treasure your last days with your Dad ..
Much love to you both .. May you find peace and love with him in these days
Hugs Susie emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/24/2011 3:05:56 PM

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REMODELINGPAT 5/24/2011 2:00PM

    emoticon emoticon
Regardless of the baggage, our parents ARE OUR PARENTS, and we need to get past the PAST and show them we love them TODAY...tomorrow may be too late!



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    I loved this blog. Just loved it. You are so REAL, and down to earth. Yes, my biological dad was a louse most of the time (unlike yours!), but he is still my Dad, and it is up to me to be a loving daughter, no matter how many mistakes he's made. And you're right, too, about THEIR past... he had it pretty terrible, so there's no wonder he didn't know how to do things right.

Hang in there, Raylin, and just remember you're cared about very much by your sparkfriends!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 5/24/2011 1:36PM

    So true and for the most part we do what we need to do when it counts the most. I feel for you as you go through this but know you are doing all you can and will be glad you did later. HUGS

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HEARTANDMUSIC 5/24/2011 12:32PM

    That was a good decision. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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MARTY728 5/24/2011 12:03PM

    I am happy that you can assist your Dad on this journey. I know from doing so for my Mom it is not an easy journey to take part in. My thoughts and prayers are with your Dad and you. emoticon emoticon

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MAWDOT35 5/24/2011 11:17AM

    Linda, you have made the right choice and you will never regret putting your Dad first!
Whatever time is left for each of us, we would do well to put others first, especially a parent or child.
Love and Prayers,

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BLESSEDGIGI 5/24/2011 11:13AM

    You are right, your father comes first. I went through this with both my father and my mother and you will never regret putting him first. My prayers are with you,your father and your family.

Comment edited on: 5/24/2011 11:14:02 AM

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NEW-CAZ 5/24/2011 11:07AM

    Parents are never perfect Linda- humans are not perfect. This an opportunity to get close to your dad for the precious time you have left and enjoy each other's company.
I lost both my parents when they were 62 and I was 30! I would give my eye teeth to have them around today.
Treasure the time he has left babes emoticon
I shall keep you in my prayers emoticon

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MEADSBAY 5/24/2011 10:48AM

    Your dad is a lucky man to be the recipient of you lovingkindness.


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BEYOURBEST1 5/24/2011 9:49AM

    God bless you and your Dad.

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MARTY19 5/24/2011 9:35AM

    The program is good, but your at a point where you need to put Pops first. My parents passed very quickly and I didn't have time to find closure. You are blessed to have this very special time.

Love you,

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CALIFORNIA-GAL 5/24/2011 8:56AM

    Thank you for sharing this with us Linda. I lost my father a few years ago and, to this day, I have regrets about not spending enough time with him over his last year. He wasn't perfect but he did the best he could with what he had. He tried his best to raise three kids (2,4,6) after our mother died. I lost my only sister when she was only 41 (lung cancer) and I have even more regrets there. You have been on an amazing journey of weight loss and discovery and you can return to that soon. Right now, spend time with your father for his sake and yours.

I will be thinking of you. ~ Candi

Comment edited on: 5/24/2011 8:58:01 AM

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SPLASH1105 5/24/2011 8:53AM

    I'm glad that you made a decision to put your dad first. My continued prayers for your dad, you, and your family.

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MIZCATHI 5/24/2011 8:53AM

    This is right. He is your father, and he needs you during this life journey. My thoughts are with you.

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WEEZYB7881 5/24/2011 8:52AM

    it is heart warming to see your kindness and compassion for your dad. I totally agree - it is time to put your dad first. andyour program won't end or slide or disappear during this time. you'll continue to eat as well as possible, walk when you can and get rest as time allows.

I'll be saying prayers for you and your dad ad you take this last journey together.

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DINGALLSTOO 5/24/2011 8:31AM

    you're doing a great job ((((hugs))))

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SEDONACAT 5/24/2011 8:22AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1EMMA2011 5/24/2011 8:20AM

    Thank you for this post. I am praying for you and your Dad and wish you all the best in this journey. Know that you are not along and that we care for you.

God Bless,
Emma Marianne emoticon

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    You are amazing! I'm glad that you have this special time to "give back" to your father and to be there for him. Bright blessings to you both. You're in my prayers. emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 5/24/2011 7:52AM

    It is wonderful that you are there for him. Putting him first is as it should be. His time with
you is growing shorter and being there for him is essential for you both. Take comfort in the fact that you have this opportunity and cherish the memories you will have. HUGS!

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TULIPAN2 5/24/2011 7:34AM

    As we get "older", as we pick up our life wisdom and we look back then usually we can see and appreciate all those small things our parents do for us. Then we really see their love for us. It doesn't have to be said, written, their love is shown in their actions, smiles, support. Our parents give as their unconditionally love and in a certain time we do the same.
I am so glad that you have that possibility and you are doing it. My thoughts are with you and our family. emoticon

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